Friday, July 6, 2007
SCREAMING
READY TO SCREAM, GIVE UP AND STOP CARING. I thought my life was going to be different, I thought I was going to live a life of good and have peace and happiness and be healthy so I could love and take care of my SON but that isn't the freaking plan. My son could lose his mom right in front of his own eye's. I hate that feeling, why didn;t god give me this befor I had a son, when I was a freaking loser with nothing to show for and a life of nothing but drugs, and partying or how about when my stupid ass father and his friends were abusing me, why couldn;t he take me then. I HATE IT SO MUCH.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
222 comments:
1 – 200 of 222 Newer› Newest»Hey girl, although I know that you're not Buddhist, I hope that this encouragement will lend you some strength:
"It is only natural that sometimes we fall sick. But we must see that sickness as a sickness that originally exists in life, based on the principle of the Mystic Law. In other words, there is no reason to allow yourself to be controlled by illness, for it to fill your life with suffering and distress. From the standpoint of eternal life through the three existences, your fundamentally happy self is incontrovertibly established."
*hugs*
Nam-myoho-renge-kyo, nam-myoho-renge-kyo
sweetie i am here for you, and Jesus will come to you, but you have to invite HIM to be in your life, HE is not a genie to do our bidding...but O How he loves you, and HE is the only one who can save you. Love me
Nicole! I have been desperate to find you. Everyday I go to the LPM blog , hoping against hope, you will blog again and let us know how you're doing. I gather from the posts here, your biposy didn't go well. I'm sorry, very sorry, but Nicole, thre is always hope.
I would like to ask you, and this is personal, but you are sharing very intimate personal details about yourself, have you accepted Christ as your personal Savior?
Hi Nicole,
A blog friend of mine told me about you. As I read your blog I noticed a few things about you that I would like to use to encourage you.
#1. I don't know many people who can get pregnant at the age of fifteen, run away, have the baby and still survive! Nicole....you are a STRONG woman, DO NOT GIVE UP!
#2. You have a fierce love for your son. Let that love motivate you to fight for your life.
#3. You are reaching out for God. Do not believe the lies of the enemy telling you God is not real, God does not heal or God doesn't take care of His own. They are all lies and the devil wants you to believe them. Do focus on the Bible. I see some other people have left you some specific scriptures to read...READ them! Meditate on them. Believe them.
Nicole, your attitude will have alot to do with how you are generally feeling. Yes, it totally sucks that you are in this situation. No , you do not deserve it. But right now it is what it is. Use the tenacity that drove you to survive on your own and beat this thing. God does have a plan. I have no idea what the plan is, but know that He does love you and sent His son to die for you.
I'll be praying for you,
Teri
Father God, I lift up Nicole right now and ask that you would move in her life. Father, show her the truths of who you are. Show her the manifest power of your healing. Show her the power that SHE has over the enemy as she stands in the name of Jesus and battles for her very life. God, I do not know your plan for her, but your word tells us that YOU DO! Assure her of this now, in Jesus name. And Father, show her the power and authority she has in Jesus name. Your word says that signs and wonders shall follow those who believe. Show her what you mean by this and help her to believe. In Jesus name, amen.
Just checking in on you, Nicole. I prayed for you last night, woke up during the night praying for you, woke up this morning praying for you. God has seared a place for you in my heart--you are so special.
He laid on my heart some of the same things He laid on Teri's heart to write. One of them is fighting. You must fight.
Nicole, God loves you and He would never do anything outside of His character to harm you. God is love. There is a special plan for you and your son. As a human being, you may not be able to see what that is and, yes, it is frightening, but if you know Him, then you know He is worthy of your trust. He will look out for what is good and right for you and your son.
It's okay to ask, "Why?" but there it must end. Our minds, our decisions, our reactions are based on what we can see in the here and now. God is omniscient. He knows everything from the beginning of time through the ages. He is and always has been.
We live in a fallen world, full of sin, full of tragedy, full of all sorts of evil. We can't change it, but we can show people Hope. Christ is our Hope. He is our Redeemer. He lives.
This is a golden opportunity for you to teach your son about God and the hope you have. If He chooses not to heal you, then leave your child with the lasting impressions that God is love and He will take care of your son until you are reunited. Let your boy know you will be waiting for him in heaven.
And, never, ever forget this: God is the same yesterday and today. He healed people in Biblical times and He can heal Nicole. Talk to Him. Ask Him for healing and then leave the decision up to Him, the One Who knows everything.
DOCTORS DO NOT ALWAYS KNOW!!!!!
I will stand in the gap for you, Nicole, praying for you throughout the days.
Much love and compassion to you, Sister.
Nicole,
I saw your comment on Teri's blog and I am praying. I do not have the words for you...but you still have breath and you can still fight this. My first child died at birth and I thought that I was going to lose my second daughter. I was so angry and you know what...God can handle that...I had to spill out my heart to Him in prayer because He already knows anyway. He loves you Nicole, even though you are going through this horrible situation.
Hey gal, here's another encouragement I found: "Human life is indeed wondrous. You may be ill physically, but as long as your mental state is strong, it most certainly will exert a positive influence on your body. There may be no better remedy than hope."
If you hold onto hope, you'll be able to find a way to break through. I agree with Teri that you're a very strong girl *smiles* You're really great, and your life-every second of it-is precious. I cannot imagine the magnitude of your suffering, but pls don't give up.
To all my Christian friends: please continue encouraging Nicole. I stumbled across Nicole's blog by accident, and I'm reacting as a fellow human being to her pain. Thank you for your efforts *smiles* I may not be a Christian, but she is in my prayers too. Let's all be here together for Nicole.
Good morning, Nicole. Still praying for you. Thinking of you and I'm asking others to pray for you, too. Hang on tight, Girl.
Use that anger in your heart to fight the disease not God, Sweet One. He can help you.
Listen, my Daddy was old, and was diagnosed with cancer after they missed it for over a year. They told him it was pointless. He refused to believe that. He fought, Girl, and he is completely cancer-free and moving in with me next week. His cancer diagnosis was over ten years ago!
You are young. You can do it! Be angry! Be angry at cancer because it came uninvited into your body. Be angry at Adam and Eve for disobedience allowing sickness and disease to enter the world. Use that anger to refuse the cancer to become champion, because, you, Nicole, want to be the champion. Show it who is boss.
Eat healthy. If you feel like it--walk, exercise. Tell the cancer, as stupid as it may sound, "You are not going to win. I am going to conquer you. God is on my side."
Take courage knowing people are praying for you!
Nicole, this was in an e-mail letter to me this morning. I think it's for you, Love-A:
This beautiful story was written by a doctor who worked in Africa.
One night I had worked hard to help a mother in the labor ward; but in
spite of all we could do, she died, leaving us with a tiny, premature
baby and a crying two-year-old daughter.
We would have difficulty keeping the baby alive, as we had no incubator
(we had no electricity to run an incubator). We also had no special
feeding facilities. Although we lived on the equator, nights were often
chilly with treacherous drafts.
One student midwife went for the box we had for such babies and the
cotton wool that the baby would be wrapped in. Another went to stoke up
the fire and fill a hot water bottle. She came back shortly in distress
to tell me that in filling the bottle, it had burst (rubber perishes
easily in tropical climates ). "And it is our last hot water bottle!" she exclaimed.
As in the West, it is no good crying over spilled milk, so in Central
Africa it might be considered no good crying over burst water bottles.
They do not grow on trees, and there are no drugstores down forest
pathways.
"All right," I said, "put the baby as near the fire as you safely can,
and sleep between the baby and the door to keep it free from drafts.
Your job is to keep the baby warm."
The following noon , as I did most days, I went to have prayers with any
of the orphanage children who chose to gather with me. I gave the
youngsters various suggestions of things to pray about and told them
about the tiny baby. I explained our problem about keeping the baby
warm enough, mentioning the hot water bottle, and that the baby could so
easily die if it got chills. I also told them of the two-year-old
sister, crying because her mother had died.
During prayer time, one ten -year-old girl, Ruth, prayed with the usual
blunt conciseness of our African children. "Please, God" she prayed,
"Send us a hot water bottle today. It'll be no good tomorrow, God, as
the baby will be dead, so please send it this afternoon."
While I gasped inwardly at the audacity of the prayer, she added, "And
while You are about it, would You please send a dolly for the little
girl so she'll know You really love her?"
As often with children's prayers, I was put on the spot. Could I
honestly say "Amen"? I just did not believe that God could do this.
Oh, yes, I know that He can do everything; the Bible says so. But there
are limits, aren't there? The only way God could answer this particular
prayer would be by sending me a parcel from the homeland. I had been in
Africa for almost four years at that time, and I had never, ever,
received a parcel from home. Anyway, if anyone did send me a parcel,
who would put in a hot water bottle? I lived on the equator!
Halfway through the afternoon, while I was teaching in the nurses'
training school, a message was sent that there was a car at my front
door. By the time I reached home, the car had gone, but there on the
verandah was a large 22-pound parcel. I felt tears pricking my eyes.
I could not open the parcel alone, so I sent for the orphanage children.
Together we pulled off the string, carefully undoing each knot. We
folded the paper, taking care not to tear it unduly. Excitement was
mounting. Some thirty or forty pairs of eyes were focused on the large
cardboard box.
From the top, I lifted out brightly-colored, knitted jerseys. Eyes
sparkled as I gave them out. Then there were the knitted bandages for
the leprosy patients, and the children looked a little bored. Then came
a box of mixed raisins and sultanas - that would make a batch of buns
for the weekend. Then, as I put my hand in again, I felt the.....could
it really be? I grasped it and pulled it out.
Yes, a brand new, rubber hot water bottle. I cried.
I had not asked God to send it; I had not truly believed that He could.
Ruth was in the front row of the children.
She rushed forward, crying out, "If God has sent the bottle, He must have sent the dolly, too!"
Rummaging down to the bottom of the box, she pulled out the small,
beautifully-dressed dolly. Her eyes shone! She had never doubted!
Looking up at me, she asked: "Can I go over with you and give this dolly
to that little girl, so she'll know that Jesus really loves her?"
Of course, I replied!
That parcel had been on the way for five whole months, packed up by my
former Sunday school class, whose leader had heard and obeyed God's
prompting to send a hot water bottle, even to the equator. And one of
the girls had put in a dolly for an African child - five months before,
in answer to the believing prayer of a ten-year-old to bring it "that
afternoon."
"Before they call, I will answer." (Isaiah 65:24)
When you receive this, say the prayer. That's all you have to do. No
strings attached. Just send it on to whomever you want - but do send it
on.
Prayer is one of the best free gifts we receive. There is no cost, but
a lot of rewards. Let's continue praying for one another. This awesome
prayer takes less than a minute.
"Heavenly Father, I ask You to bless my friends reading this. I ask You
to minister to their spirit. Where there is pain, give them Your peace
and mercy. Where there is self-doubting, release a renewed confidence
to work through them. Where there is tiredness or exhaustion, I ask You
to give them understanding, guidance, and strength. Where there is
fear, reveal Your love and release to them Your courage. Bless their
finances, give them greater vision, and raise up leaders and friends to
support and encourage them. Give each of them discernment to recognize
the evil forces around them and reveal to them the power they have in
You to defeat it. I ask You to do these things in Jesus' name. Amen"
P.S. Passing this on to anyone you consider a friend will bless you
both.
Passing this on to one not considered a friend is something Christ would
do.
Im not sure how I found your blog, but I too am fighting cancer, I have brain cancer.
I too have asked many of the questions you have asked, I have waved my fists at God and screamed at the top of my lungs.... He can take it, He's a big God!
Come to my blog, and lets journey this thing called cancer together... You have so much to live for, as do I...
See you soon :)
You matter. Please don't give up!
Nicole, I found you through Especially Heather - go to her site and read her words. They will bring you encouragement and help to soothe your soul. It's easy to say that most of us don't know what you are going through - we don't! But Heather does - you both can fight this battle together.
Don't give up!
Hold on to Jesus - He's holding on to you, even when it doesn't feel that way!
Nicole, as others have said before me, God is big enough to take it. Go to Him and pour your heart out, vent the anger and frustration and then bask in His Peace. That is what I pray for you; that peace that passes understanding that God promises.
Nicole, we are here for you in any way we can be. We stand solidly behind you and your son. Somehow, someway, you will find the answers. Stay strong. We all LOVE YOU!!
Sometimes we don't know why things are happening to us. Keep on fighting.
You are loved so much by the One who made you.
Dear Nicole,
Sweetie, God does care for you and I know we all ask God "WHY"? But God is a big God and we will pray for your healing...many of us are here for you. Here is my email and you can write me anytime and I will give you my number and I will call you and pray with you...listen try to just be positive and focus on what God can do and then begin to get into God's word and write down the proecious promises he has for you. I will be praying for you and your son...your not alone..!!!
blessed.hope@hotmail.com Robyn
Nicole-
I am a believer in God...and I believe that he uses circumstances in people's lives to draw them closer to Him...to reveal Himself to them. He wants to know you. He cares about how you feel - anger and all. Most importantly, He wants you to know that HE LOVES YOU and that you're not alone. Call on him in your time of need and HE WILL LISTEN and MEET YOU RIGHT WHERE YOU'RE AT. :-) Your sickness is not from anything you did or said or didn't do. It's just part of life and God uses circumstances in our lives to reach us.
Hi friend, I have found this blogosphere to be filled with folks who will pray and believe for you. I came over from Heather's blog. Be encouraged. We will pray for you and weep for you and laugh with you someday soon.
Nicole - The blog world is full of wonderful Christian women who are praying for YOU -- praying that you are healed, praying for your son, praying that you are drawn closer to our Savior through your journey...and we're here to listen and encourage, as well.
Praying for you!
Sally
God knows and cares when even a little sparrow falls from the sky. How much more does He care for His children? And you are one of his children.
I'm here by way of Heather's blog, Especially Heather.
Jesus loves you and wants you to turn to Him. I promise you will never be sorry you trusted Him as your Savior.
Love and hugs,
Diane
Hello, I am Cat, my sister is Heather of Especially Heather!
I Just want you to know that I am praying for you! You are not alone, He is there for you and will help you through this. You are a strong woman, and your son is so lucky to have you as his mom! Don't give up and don't get discouraged, you have a Big wonderful group of people here praying for you. He will hear us.
God Bless you!
another visitor by way of especiallyheather.com blog - also a dependant follower of Jesus Christ. Praying for you, ....
your battle with liver cancer,
your relationship with God
your future with your son
your relationship with your parents
may God soften their hardened hearts and see you, their daughter as God sees you, HIS daughter, with eyes of love, compassion, acceptance, guidance and forgiveness.
[[[hugs]]]
Alice the Brit
(in Florida where Heather is too, but we are on opposite coasts!)
Nicole,
I came here through Heather's blog as well. I am praying and will be checking regularly. I'm sure you are discouraged but don't give up. Our God is so much bigger and more able than we can imagine. A book that has really spoken to me during rough times is When God Weeps by Steve Estes and Joni Eareckson Tada. I would be happy to send you a copy if you like. You are so loved.
Sincerely,
Rebecca
rdswood@verizon.net
I am praying for you and your son from the other end of the world.
Kay (New Zealand)
I've felt the same way over the past 5 months. I'm only 23 and just finished treatment for cancer. I also have a little one.
I know it's hard to see - but there is so much opportunity for GOOD THINGS during times like this. often we see it in hindsight - but I hope and pray that you see it TODAY so that you will be encouraged.
Some people go through these things when they are like - 75 or something. It changes them for the rest of their lives. But we, being young, have the opportunity to be changed NOW while we're still so young. That means many many more years of living life TO THE FULLEST.
I kept a blog too during the treatment etc. Its a good place to vent!
hugs to you...
Bethany in Canada
Hi there...I found you through Heather. Your son will be fine, because you love him. You must make a plan for him and get that straight so that you have some peace of mind. And although you must take care of his future in such a scary way, you must also not give up hope. You must take good care of yourself and do EVERYTHING you can to get well. (duh.) You keep your faith and I will keep you in my thoughts. No matter what, don't give up. Period. I know this all too well.
*a Friend*
Oh, such a burden... I'm praying for you and your son....
Mary
Nicole,
God does love you and your son. May you feel his loving arms around during this time of need. I am praying for you and your family.
God Bless,
Jenny
(By way of Especially Heather)
Oh Nicole! God does love you and your son. He even says that he does in the Bible. "For I have plans for, plans to give you hope and a futer." I was looking at the comments on your first post and saw that someone wrote soething about whitch craft. Well, shame on whoever wrote that! The LORD is the ONLY one that can heal you from this. The ONLY one. Seriously, do you think that some witch craft is going to give you healling?? YA RIGHT!!!!! The Lord loves you and your son. Forever.
Courtney
courtyshorty7@hotmail.com
Nicole, found your site through especiallyHeather. Just want you to know that I am now praying for you and your son.
Hey Nicole -
I found you through Heather's blog too. I'm so sorry you are dealing with all of this. Nicole, you sound like an amazing woman. You have accomplished many difficult things in your 27 years. You can get through this too. Not by yourself though. God will help you. And we will support you through prayer. You are not alone. Seek Him out and give Him an opportunity. I don't understand why this is happening either - maybe we never will this side of Heaven. But there is a purpose. There is. God's ways are bigger than ours. So scream and cry and shake your fists - He is okay with that. But when you are through - just lean on Him and let Him carry you.
You do not know me and I do not know you. I have never had to experience what you are going through. My words may fall flat on this post. But when I say I will be praying for you. I WILL. May you feel the present of God in your trails. Satan is very crafty...he (small caps because he is not worthy) will get you in a downward spin..BUT GOD it bigger, stronger and tougher than satan. I AM PRAYING FOR YOU AND YOUR SON!!!!!
Nicole,
I, too, found your site through Heather's site. I'm sitting here crying and praying for you. I'll keep praying for you and your son and check in regularly. God is bringing an army of prayer warriors to your door to fight for you. May you find some peace there.
Sweet Nicole...
You are so valid for feeling this way. I encourage you to let some of the loving people that stop by here to take away some of your burden and PRAY FOR YOU. Give me a request! I would love to lift you up to Christ! HE IS THERE FOR YOU! I assure you, if you let Him, HE WILL CARRY YOU through this storm...
Praying now.
In Him, Laura in MI
Wow. Look at all the people who are praying and encouraging you! And just think, God is greater than all that!! Lean on HIM. He has not forsaken you. Make a plan for your son like the other poster said and then give the worries to God. No, it's not going to be easy by any means. But He will always be there, always ready and waiting for your burdons, tears and triumphs! I'll continue praying along with the others. :)
Nicole,
So much pain. I don't know you, but I hear the pain in your words. I'll pray for your healing, both of your body and your heart.
Found you by way of Especially Heather
I don't know you or your situation but I do know that God can heal! I'm praying for you and your son as you go down this road of life. It's tough sometimes and I know it's hard to understand. Looks like you've got a good support system here!
To The World You May Be One Person But To One Person You Are The World...
Nicole,
You are being prayed for. Trust that God is going to take care of you and your son. He will. You are strong, as someone else commented, how else would you raise your son for 12 years on your own? But God is stronger and bigger than anything you can imagine. You should be angry right now. And God can handle your anger. Just keep talking to Him. Don't stop talking or yelling or screaming to Him. And reach out to others. Let people in. Share your burdens so that you don't have to carry the full weight of them.
Love and Prayers,
Juli
Nicole - Another blogger directed me here. I just want to say don't give up. I am praying for you. Be mad at God and yell at him to let go of some of the grief. But then lean on Him to bring you through this. Cast your cares on Him. I know He will see you and your son through this.
Nicole, it is in times of crisis that God most hopes to pull us to Him. Will you end up leaning INTO Him or end up blaming Him? These are your two choices and they are going to be critically important to you and your son in the coming months. One will give you hope and one will pull it away - remember that!
Call a church and ask for help. Most have counseling for people in dire circumstances free of charge to give you someone that can help you through this tough time. If you can't find one and you really want someone to help, email me and I'll walk this walk with you.
Heyjules.mwg@gmail.com
Think about it...and if you decide to move TOWARDS God in all this get ready to watch the earth move. It is in Him that all things are possible and that is NOT just a saying.
I'm here if you need me and I'm trained in Soul Care counseling. You just say the word...
My Dearest Nicole,
While I know you are in pain inside and out, know that people are coming to see your blog and support you. There are not very many people who have not had trials and tribulations, some get through, some don't. You will get through this as soon as you start trying to see the whole picture. God is watching over you and your son. Calm your fears with prayer every day. And we will do the same!
Blessings on your and your son,
Marie
Dear Nicole,
Yes, I'm another person that has found your blog from Heather's.
Looks like God is really trying to speak to you. You know what, He loves you this much and has put all these strangers here to pray and encourage you! (now if that's not special, what is?)
I pray you feel all the love and many prayers that is coming your way.
There is always "HOPE!" Don't give in the lies of despair.
You have a beautiful son who needs you and is your reason to keep fighting and fighting.
I hope you take the time to visit Heather's blog and read about her journey as well. Please listen to the music videos she has too, they will bless you and help soothe your soul.
I'll be back to check up on you.
Meanwhile I'm praying for your miracle healing, and that you surrender your heart to Jesus, he is there with arms wide open.
Susan
Hey sweetie! I just realized why I didn't hear from you today on email! Are you at least smiling a little?? Remember talking about what i was praying for ...For HIM to do something big and show you how much HE loves you...how is this 40 messages on your blog!!! Totally Jesus!!! I do not know these people...and I did not set you up...but I am smiling so big!! HE will not let go of YOU, and you know what I am talking about...HE never lets go! Love you lots!! Darla
I'm praying for you! God heals and he comforts!
Nicole,
You can add me to the list of those praying for you. I know that you are scared, angry, confused, frustrated, and probably a bunch of other things I have no name for. I will pray that God will carry those burdens for you. But you have to let Him.
You know when your baby was born and he would reach for things when you weren't looking...maybe fragile things or hurtful things. He couldn't blame you for not protecting him when he had wandered from your care. You could feel guilty but in your heart you knew you were doing the very best for him.
You are God's baby. He is always watching out for you. He may not be able to always give you all that you want. But He loves you no less.
God has obviously led many of us here through various resources because He wants you to be prayed for and to know that He is always ALWAYS near. I believe that with all my heart.
Nicole, you are blessed. No matter what the outcome of this situation, you can give you son wonderful things that he will carry throughout his life. You can teach him incredible truths about love, patience, faith, and courage.
You can get through this, Nicole. We're all here with you!
Oh, I wish I could reach out and give you a hug! I can't imagine what all you are dealing with. Just pray. Jesus will meet you where you are.
I am so sorry to hear about all of the pain in your life. I will be praying for you and your son.
Hey Nicole,
I've found your blog through Especially Heather. Do go and read on her blog for some great encouragement. God does care about you. Through God, there are many ladies who have found out about you and will pray for you.
I pray you will invite Jesus into your heart and life. He loves you so much that if you were the only person in the world, He still would've come to earth, died on the cross, and rose again -- just so you could have a good, healthy relationship with God!
I will also pray that God's peace will come over you and you will be able to deal with having the cancer and either being totally healed, or just loving your son for as long as God has planned for you.
So while you are "SCREAMING" know that God has heard everything, seen everything, and still absolutely, unconditionally LOVES you in spite of it all.
Here via Heather, too. Honey, you can DO this! Nothing is impossible with God! He will carry you and your son through. Hang in there. Hold tight to hope! And, the One who gives hope!
The Lord led me to you by way of Heather. I will be praying for your healing. Share your burden with Him. He loves you.
-Astraea
(Arizona)
Nicole, you don't know me, but I found you through Mary's blog. My sister was 21 years old when she both gave birth to her son and was diagnosed with cancer. I just want to agree with Teri here and encourage you that you have done so much and are so strong. It's okay to be angry and confused. This isn't the way it's supposed to happen. But please be assured that the Lord loves you, and even though you cannot see anything but your harm at this point, He can and will use your illness for good. I will lift you and your sweet son up in prayer.
Also here from Heather's blog. We have seen great miracles at work and I believe we will see them at work in you too. We are all praying for you as you go through this. No one can take your place, but we can lift you up to our LORD. God bless you and your son.
Hi Nicole, my name is Rebecca and I found your blog through especially heather's post. From reading her posts it looks like she's gotten a lot of support from others through her blog. I'm glad that you are reaching out and not keeping your emotions inside.
My mom had me when she was 15 so I understand the sacrifices that you made to not only have him but raise him as well. I'm so sorry that your family has pushed both of you away - they are the ones who have missed out. My mom had lived a hard life as well, partying and whatnot. She died 6 months ago and it was totally unexpected. Our relationship had its ups & downs but before she passed we were very close. For that I am thankful. I don't understand why it happened and am still struggling in my relationship with God because of it all. But know this, He does love you, no matter what happens he loves you. He created you with a purpose & a plan.
I know that none of that makes sense right now. I didn't understand it when my mom passed because she hadn't accomplished much in her life, aside from raising my sister & I. But that's the thing, that was her purpose. She raised us & did a pretty good job considering all that was going against her: starting out so young, being abused as a child, not coming from a stable childhood, not close to her family, and being a single mom for half my life. It doesn't matter what we accomplish in the ways of money, career or material things. Your son is your legacy, he is your accomplishment. No matter how long any of us lives, that is the most important thing that we can do while we are living.
I will be praying for you. I pray that the Holy Spirit will stir up a fire & passion for life in your heart. I pray that you will find someone to talk to, support you & help you through this time. I pray that your son will have a friend to turn to as well. I pray that you will feel the love of Jesus through this painful time. I pray that He will be your comforter, provider of all things, and your healer.
Grieving through the loss of my mom I realized some things. God does have a plan & His ways are higher than our ways. He promises to work everything for good. All of this is true, regardless if we understand it. I wonder everyday why my mom had to die when my babies are too small to remember her, my sister wasn't married yet and she still had so much life to live. But I can rest in knowing that she is now finally at peace. She's no longer hurting like she was for so many years. She's dancing with Jesus and more beautiful than she ever imagined. She finally knows who she is, how special & loved she is.
I'm not trying to sound morbid or say that this cancer is going to kill you. I'm just trying to share some of my experience so you know that you aren't the only one asking why. You are not alone. I'll be checking back to see how you are doing and how I can pray for you.
Praying for you right now.
s
Oh, Nicole! I am praying for you!! I am praying for God to heal you and restore your health so you can be the Mom you want to be to your son! God will heal you!!
Nicole,
I was directed your way by Heather's blog -- another person in the blogosphere who I don't know but keep in my prayers. The first thing that strikes me about you is that you are reaching out -- to God and to others for support. Jesus said that those who seek Him will surely find Him and it seems to me that you are on that road. He is big enough to handle your anger, doubt and frustration, just don't stop looking to Him. I will pray that you will find Him and through Him the immediate love and support from others to get you through this tremendously hard time. I am also struck by your love for your son -- it sounds to me like you have defied the odds on countless occasions and have given him an example of devotion and strength that will carry him through this time as well.
I hope that all of these comments and offers of help can pull you up out of that pit and allow you to set your sights on Jesus and His healing.
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this uncertainty. I can't imagine how scared and angry you are.
I believe in God and even if I didn't, He would still be real!
He CAN heal you...He's already done the work. He died for us. He loves you and will take care of you. The hard part is trusting that truth.
Don't give up. Just pray...pray with everything you have!!!
Found your site through Heather! Remember, there is a group of people praying for you. May God give you peace ... He is in control and He knows what He is doing. God will use or do whatever He wants to let you know that He loves you! Cling tight to God's promises and know that He loves you!
JBS
Nicole~ I am lifting you up in prayer. God is a BIG God. He sees you right where you are at. It is no suprise to him. HE knew you before you were born. He has a plan for you and your son. He wants to become your EVERYTHING through all of this. Praying for you girl. FIGHT...you have lots to fight for!
I came over from Especially Heather. I just wanted you to know that I'm praying for you and your son. I'm so very sorry you are sick and having a hard time. I hope you are encouraged to know that people care, and are praying for you. Jesus loves you, and I pray that He will send you His peace that passes understanding.
Nicole,
I will pray for you and your son. I feel for you and I can't imagine what you're going through. Please know that God heals and your attitude will certainly help determine your future. You have ALOT to live for, so don't give up. Love yourself and your son. Keep the faith and love God too.
Rhonda
Here from Heather's blog too. Honey, you are NOT ALONE in this. You've got us all out here praying for you and for your precious child. I am so sorry. It's not fair, but God will carry you through it.
manyblessings
I came here from Heather's blog. I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I know that Jesus is the answer for your hurts. I'm not going to act like coming to the Lord is going to take away your cancer or make all the bad go away. But coming to Him is the answers for your hurt. I had a time of walking away from the Lord years ago, and I'm blessed that I have been back with Him for over 13 years now. I don't have it all together. I don't have all the answers. But I know the Lord has them all, and that's what I cling to. I will be praying for you.
JoAnn
Hi Nicole,
I'm here from Heather's blog. I am so sorry you are in this situation. There are no easy answers or trite sayings that will make this better. I know how much you are hurting right now.
I have walked through circumstances I didn't think I could possibly bear. I had all the same questions you have. I must tell you I still don't have all the answers, but it wasn't until I decided to fully surrender it all into the Lords hands that I found that peace that passes understanding.
I'm praying for you and your son Nicole.
I cannot imagine the pain you are going through and won't pretend to try but please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, as is your son.
God still loves you know matter what. Hang in there.
Keep standing and believe!
Blessings!
Hedi
Please don't be afraid of the light that Especially Heather has directed towards you. Something miraculous has happened through her blog and you're being touched by it too.
I pray that you focus your energies on healing instead of partying in an attempt to escape the truth. I pray you draw your son close instead of pushing him away. You are his world. He'll give you strength.
You can handle this. People will help you. Seek comfort in the church if you aren't already there.
I wasted my 20's being angry (and I didn't even have cancer). Partying was my priority. I wasn't the mother I should have been and the time spent away from my son can never be regained. Keep him close to you. He is part of you.
Praying...
Hi Nicole,
Came here via Mary at www.owlhaven.wordpress.com
My heart is breaking for you. Please know that I'll be praying for you and for your precious son.
Prayers being sent from Florida. God loves you and He is sending His people to let you know that.
Nicole,
Thanks to Heather, at Especially Heather, I have been led to your blog. I was amazed as I read the comments of the many people who have made their way to your blog today. I hope that you will take the time to read each and every comment and to truly know that you are loved. You are no accident, your cancer is not an accident. You have a Heavenly Father who loves you with a pure and undefiled love. Cry out to HIM! He hears your cries!
Praying for you,
Gloria
Nicole,
I found you through Especially Heather.
God knows what lies in your heart. He can handle the questions and the wondering. Ask Him. Talk to Him. Knowing Him as you make your way through this is so much better than trying to make your way through it without Him.
I am praying for you...and will continue to pray for you and your son.
God loves you and will never leave you. You are not in this alone. Trust in His love and lean on the Holy Spirit.
Girl- I got no answers for you... but you're not alone. There are people here who want to love you. There is a God who is weeping with you.
Don't give up. Go ahead. Yell at God. Scream if you have to, The psalmist did. And so do I. Praying you'll hear Him answer, adn feel His arms wrap aorund you both.
Where are you? Do you have a church family? ou need one! Can we help you find one?
Nicole,
I, too have an imperfect past (who doesn't?!) and I have an incurable illness and blamed my past for causing it. That is irrelevant at this point.
What is relevant is your God loves you just as you are, imperfections, past and all. Ask him to help you believe/trust/whatever it is that you need to come to him if you haven't already. It is never too late.
So many of us will be praying for you as well, and your son. Things can get better, you have to believe that. The mindset is so powerful, it can make or break a person. I wish that I could invite you over.
Hugs,
JEnn
Hi, I came here from Heather's blog and I wanted to let you know that I'm praying for you. There are a LOT of people that are, judging just by this long list of comments, even.
Hang in there, God uses any and every hard situation that we find ourselves in to get us to grow and change, and so we can someday use those experiences to encourage and share with others.
I'm praying for you. Just remember that the same God who has carried youthrough everything you've already handled will carry you through this too. Praying that you will nhave the strength to persevere....
Nicole,
It is never easy to hear the word "cancer" as the patient. Try not to focus on the "c" being cancer but what if the "c" word meant "CURE"... Enjoy your time with you son and celebrate life! God has an awesome plan for you and your son. Knowing Him will strengthen you and give you peace like no other.
Many Blessing my friend,
Paula
You really need to go to Heather's blog. I think she can show you how to find the light your looking for.
praying for you
d
Dear Nicole,
You have so many people you'll never even know lifting you before Jesus and praying for your peace, comfort, and healing. We're also praying for your son as well.
Sending love,
Becky
Nicole, if you doubt the Father's love for you let me share this with you. He is lovin' on you, Girl:
Darla mentioned you on her blog. She's been "looking for you." I had been searching for you for days, too, but came up empty until that point on Darla's blog.
Went to your blog and immediately the Holy Spirit told me to comment on Teri's blog on your behalf. It was POWERFUL!
Teri in turn told Heather and now LOOK!!!! You have a kazillion prayer warriors praying for you! The Lord loves you so much. He's enlisted us in this fight and we don't even know you!
This is miraculous, Nicole. Truly. God is working to show you His love. Awesome!
We are praying for you!!!
Love,
Heather
You and your son are in my prayers. I pray that God will give you the strength to get you through this. I know that the road won't be easy, but know that you aren't alone and that prayers are going up in your name. ((HUGS))
Especially Heather sent me here and my heart is aching for you! Please know that God does grant miracles in this life. Prayer and positive attitudes DO matter. You have so many people you will never meet praying for you and your son right now! I pray with all my heart that you can feel the love God has for you through all of the comments typed here on your blog. Please visit Heather's website, she understands what you are going through more than any of the rest of us can. Find your strength whereever you are able! God Bless you and your son.
Dearest Nicole,
I wanted to stop by and say a prayer for you. God does care and He hasn't forgotten you. He has given you a beautiful gift in your son. He has shown you what unconditional love is, through your son. It's obvious that you have had to make many sacrifices for your son and I'm sure that he has hidden those things within his heart. He will grown uo to be a strong man because of the love and sacrifice you have poured into him. He sees your strength every day played out before him. Life doesn't make sense a lot of the time and we question God when He allows things to come into our life that are painful and unfair. I can only tell you that God has been faithful and good to me even when I have been in the deepest pits of despair. What He does for others, he'll do for you as well. Through Jesus, He's already moved heaven and earth to have a relationship with you, to impart you with His strength. It's being offered to you...
In Him,
Connie
Hi Nicole! I'm hopping over from Especially Heather's blog. I'm praying for you. Jesus is more than a Savior. He's your friend and can be your healer too. He can handle anything you have to throw at Him. Shout to/at Him. Lay it all at His feet and let Him guide you through this.
There are many people praying for you that you don't know.
Dearest Nicole,
Found your blog thanks to "Especially Heather". There is encouragement galore in her journaling and in the prayer warriors that surround her.
My family will be praying for you and your son during this challenging season in your lives. Our Saviour will give you the grace you need to walk this unfamiliar path. It is no coincidence that Heather visited your blog. Having this many folks praying for you is surely God's Hand extended.
83 comments and at least 81 tell you that Jesus loves you!! God is totally blowing me away...
Nicole, this is what your family in Jesus Christ does...we fight with you, totally accept you, our prayers will build a wall you...sweet thing get some rest,be still and let God talk to you, and let the healing begin...God is good, and He is so in love with YOU! I will checkfor you on email...let me know what can i or anyone do to help you in the here and now....love you your Jesus mom..:) Darla
Lifting you and you son up in prayer.
sometimes we don't know where we will get the strength to face what we know is coming. You're an amazing and strong woman. Open you heart to the Lord and let him show you the way. Praying for stength and courage.
Nicole,
You don't know me, but I just want you to know that I care, and I wish I could help you in some way. I will be praying for you and your son.
Dear Nicole,
Another visitor coming to you from Especially Heather's blog. The Lord loves you and your precious son. Go to the Lord in prayer. Spill all your hurt, anger and fear before Him. He loves you and wants to comfort you and build you up again. I strongly encourage you to visit Heather's blog. I just know she will be a huge encouragement to you. I'm praying for you and your son. I'll be checking back.
Blessings,
Diane
Nicole,
I am sorry that you have cancer. I am sorry that you and your son don't have other family. We all wish that we could make this all ok for you but we can't and for that my heart aches for you and your son. Please know that I am praying for you. Please remember that God loves you and God wants only the best for you and your son. He is not punishing you for your past, Jesus paid for all of that. It is Satan who is trying to pull you away from God.
I think others have already said this but please don't be afraid to scream and yell at God if you want to, he already knows how you feel so you aren't going to surprise him but it will probably help you a lot to get a lot off stuff of your mind. God is a loving God. Again please know that you are being prayed for in Vail, Arizona.
Nicole,
I am lifting you up in prayer. If we blogging women can do anything, please let us know. You are not alone in this.
Nicole,
Here via Heather. God can take you places. Please ask for direction, guidance and peace. Your son is a gift from God, and you are a gift for your little boy. In Houston Texas I'm praying for you. Do not give up!
Dawn
I'm praying for you.
Hugs,
Melinda
A friend told me to check this out, and I'm glad I did.
I don't know the particulars of your diagnosis, but know that God can and does work miracles every day.
Last year, I had the same symptoms as you, and only when I started throwing up blood did I go to the doctor. In 3 weeks, I'd been for an exam, bloodwork, ultrasound, and CT scan, and at the end of that was told that I had a huge mass in my liver, and that while they felt it might be just a benign tumor, they wanted to remove 50% of my liver and biopsy it just to be sure, because my liver functions were being impaired. I went into the hospital for a surgery and a 5 day stay at the most.
45 days and 3 surgeries (in 3 weeks) later, I was finally allowed to come home. Before that time though, we found out that my cancer was a killer...it was 3.6 pounds and was the size of a small soccer ball. They ended up removing 80% of my liver, and due to my bile duct being damaged by the cancer, I had internal leaking and they couldn't fix it. I was so sick at one point that they told my family to make funeral arrangements.
I had backslid, let me be honest with you on that point. While laying in the hospital, I couldn't pray even then because I felt it would be hypocritical. One night I was drawn down to Hell. I was terrified...I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move, I couldn't speak. All I could do through the sheer terror and horror was think, as hard as I could, "God HELP me" and that's when I was pulled back up. I looked at my mom (she slept on the couch in my room) and begged her to pray with me. I found God again that night and He kept me going through these bad times that have followed. The doctors told my mother and my husband the next day that I was as close to dying that night as anyone they'd ever seen. They started calling me their miracle. To this day, they still talk about my recovery and what I went through. God is good...I have VERY little memory of my entire time in the hospital...but that night, the memories are crystal clear.
He can do anything. He does nothing without a purpose or a reason. My life will never be the same as it was before my surgeries last year. In many ways I have handicaps now. I struggle daily with my depression and my limitations. I NEED prayers and I NEED to know there are people out there rooting for me.
I say this because you've found yet one more to pray and root for you girl. Come what may, you have a lot of people who will be here for you.
*hugs* and if you EVER need to vent, scream, cry, pray, anything, you can find me on blogger :)
~Kandy
Thinking of you...
I also found you through Heather's blog. I have been a counselor at a crisis pregnancy center, and I am so impressed by the resolve you showed to do the right thing (give life to your son) at such a young age. You have surely made many sacrifices as you had to give up part of your own teen years to provide for him. I am sorry that your family never came around to provide the support you needed, and I pray that you will find the help you need as you face this challenge with your health. There is a verse that says "He (God) pulled me our of the miry pit and set my feet upon a rock." I pray that He will lift you from despair and give you the emotional strength to fight. What is the next step with your illness? Hang in there and do not give up hope!
Lori in VA
Nicole,
I published my comment and saw that "Anonymous" had suggested witchcraft again. She (who has not bothered to publish her name) might be right---perhaps God will choose NOT to heal you for some reason----but oh how we pray that He will, and that you will be a testimony to His amazing power. But on saying that He is not real, she could not be more in error. The Bible says that "the fool has said in his heart there is no God." Nicole, the living God is VERY real, and each of us who has responded to you post and believes in Him can attest to His working in our lives. May He help you see the light and reveal to you His love every hour of the days to come.
Lori in VA
Praying for you, too!
Laurie
Nicole,
You are not alone. After reading all these comments, you can see you have a HUGE family. And above all, turn to HIM and trust HIM.
My prayers for you and your son.
Angie, all the way from Mexico.
Hi Nicole, I found you through Heather's blog - will be lifting you and your son in my prayers - hang in there!
Debbie
Praying for you and your situation. I am so sorry that you are going through this right now, but God will get you through.
Lean not on your own understanding, and trust that God will bring you through to a better place, and possibly even a better life. Don't let this steal your joy, or even the opportunity to enjoy your son.
I will be praying for you and your family!
HI nicole,
I'd give you a hug if I were there and you are the type that finds hugs healing.
My first reaction when I read you post was, I'll take care of him if you can't. Perhaps that's a silly thing to say, but I realized I meant it. But I'm praying that it will never come to that and that you will be well.
I trust God for you, and for your son. He loves your son even more than you do, and he loves you, and he will take care of you both.
IF you need anything please visit my blog and e-mail me. I'd be happy to help if I am able.
Nicole - God has plans for you, He tells you in the bible. Whether it means leaving your earthly body or not, He alone knows.
Do not be afraid, for He goes before you and asks that you "come follow me, for I will give you rest".
When you give up on God, you have given satan a foothold in your life. That's what satan wants, and he's been working hard on you because he knows you're vulnerable. It's much harder to stick with the plan God has, especially when you don't know what it is He has in store for you.
Do not despair. As many before me said, I came by way of Heather's blog, at http://www.especiallyheather.com/
Heather has a LOT on her plate. You need to read her blog from the beginning to truly understand. And you will see that leaning on God has given her SO much strength. Strength that you can draw on. Please don't give up on God...or yourself.
Hang tight!! Stop and think. Your little boy needs you to be strong more than ever right now. You can get through this and help him to see hope. Jesus knew before you were born all that was going to take place and he still has a plan. Seek him for it. Trust Him! I'm praying for you and your son.
Even though it doesn't make sense, it is TRUE that God loves you, He knows your pain and He longs for you to turn to Him. He'll change your life!!!
I just found your blog. Girl you are a lot stronger than you think! It is ok to be mad and angry, but you dust yourself off when you are finished and you fight. Your son needs you. You can do this. God loves you more than you can ever imagine. He isn't doing this to punish you in any way. There are laws that govern the earth that he doesn't control. He set those laws and lets them take their course. Maybe it is in your genetics for cancer who knows, but God hurts for you and your pain. I promise, He loves you and is crying right along with you. You are his daughter and he truly cares about what you are going through. Put your hand in his and let him guide you. Your son is also his son and he will take care of him as well. I will be checking back on you and if you ever need to talk please let me know.
lesagrapp@yahoo.com
Lesa
Nicole,
Also visiting from Heather's blog. Know that we're praying for you in the Northwest...and that we know personally the power of prayer!
God is there, He does love you and He will do what is best for you and your son. Things will work out for you. Keep your faith close to your heart! I'm praying for you!
Nicole,
God loves you and so do a lot of other people on this earth! Look how many comments you have to one post!
I found you through Especially Heather. She is praying for you and sharing your story on her blog.
WE are praying for you and want you to know you are loved. God bless you and your precious son!
I assume since you speak of God that you are indeed a Christian. Which is half the battle fought already :) Girl you have all it takes to fight this, take that anger and turn it to fight. You can do it, you can show your son what a strong, faithful woman of GOD can do. You are a daughter of the KING. I am adding you to my bloglines to check in on you and pray for you..and to in some small way help you bear this burden. xoxo melzie
I can't even imagine how are you are feeling, so scared for your son and yourself. I just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers...you are not alone.
Come to me all yo were are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. It is a promise found in the book of Matthew. He wants so much to be involved with you and your son.
The body of Christ--people who love God and serve Him-is an incredible group of people. We have been loved deeply --so we love deeply. Find a church with a body of believers who will love you with physical arms.
Until then if you come back --we can love you with words and in spirit.
Hey Nicole.
Can you believe all this response? Heather sent some serious prayer warriors your way and I too will pray for you.
What I want to leave with you with is a word of encouragement to go to God with everything that is on your heart. Even when you are mad at Him. He knows you better than you know yourself. He has been with you always, even when you turned your back on Him. He has been waiting for you to turn back to Him and He's ready with open arms to love you every moment of the day. He holds every one of your tears in His hand, and I pray you can find comfort in that.
I cannot even imagine the pain you are in but it's not over until it's over. Fight girl and know that with God ANYTHING is possible.
You are loved.
Stacy
Oh, Nicole, I found your site from Heather's blog. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I hope you feel the hugs and prayers that coming your way through the internet. We all wish we were there to actually give you that hug.
I know that Jesus loves you beyond what you will ever know and is waiting with open arms for you to give Him your life. Only in Him can we find hope to get through the really hard times. I will keep you in my prayers. Laurie
jan margrave said...
are you living in austin, texas? if so, check out mosaic - a church that is more a community of believers loving and supporting each other than a traditional church. they just moved into a building and our youth group helped with painting and construction. they hope to help those in the community who are homeless, struggling with life or who just need love and support. the address is 5619 airport blvd. PLEASE check it out - the people offer unconditional love and are non-judgmental. you will feel at home. i am praying for you, jan
Dear Nicole,
We have never met, but please know that you are so loved. I have no answers, no understanding to offer, but I do KNOW that our God loves you so very much. Please allow us to stand in the gap for you when you feel as though you have no words to pray. My two year old daughter has been battling cancer in her lungs since February and when I have been at the bottom unable to pray myself I have felt the peace of God come over me because of all those who were praying. Hold on. Praying for you tonight. Trish(Ashley's mommy)
You and your son are in our prayers. Believe God can and He will.
You are in my Prayers, Always remember that God is in Control and nothing is impossible for him, ask him for strengh and he will give it to you, He is ALWAYS by your side. You are never alone. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, Always!! Nothing is to big for our God !!
Much Love~
Samantha MaYe
Nicole, I'm here by way of Especially Heather. Please know there are many, many prayer warriors praying for you right now. We are praying to the CREATOR of the universe, the Great I AM. He hears us and answers. He loves you soooo much that he sent Jesus, His only Son, to die on a cross, just for you. You have been bought with a price--the blood of Jesus. There is hope, hope in the only true and living God. Put your trust in Jesus, because he is in Heaven right now seated at the right hand of God, making intercession just for you. How cool is that--Jesus is praying for your!
Delight thyself also in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Ps. 37:4
The Lord see your heart, He hears your cries. He tells us in His word (The Bible) to come boldly to the throne of God and make our requests know to Him. He can give you peace in the middle of this terrible storm. Let God do a work in your life and in the life of your son. Hold on to Him and don't let go.
Praying for you.
Father, in the powerful name of Jesus, I lift Nicole up before your throne. I am asking for a miracle in her life. Father reveal yourself to her. Give her peace. Direct her steps to the right medical care. Give her wisdom to make the right decision for herself and for her son. Father, please bring people across her path that will minister to her during this very difficult time. I am asking this in the name that is above every name, even cancer, the powerful names of JESUS. Amen.
Nicole,
I found you from Heather's site. God DOES love you. Sometimes you have to go through the lows to see that He is carrying you. I will be praying for you. I will pray that God carries you.
Hugs,
Jennifer
You have so much to live for! And although I don't know you, I know that you must be one strong girl because I can tell you that at 15 had I been pregnant and noone to help me, I wouldn't of been able to handle that!
You have obviously endured a lot in your life and are a real trooper because here you are today raising a 12 year old son all by yourself! I know all about single parenting, my son is 8 1/2 and it's probably one of the roughest roads I've ever been down.
Just know that God loves you so much and that He is here for you you just have to call on Him. It's understandable that you are scared and frightened and don't understand why this is happening but remember God is bigger than this thing called cancer! He knew you while you were in your mother's womb and he has a plan and purpose for you life!
also, find a bible and read psalms - king david was often angry, sad, full of despair and desperation - he cried out to God - he even thought sometimes God deserted him but He didn't! david found a way to praise God and lean on Him through his troubles. psalms ALWAYS helps me!!! hugs and prayers for you and your precious son!
I'm praying for you, what an huge weight you must be carrying. I know it seems like you are abandoned by God, but He does care - even if it desn't seem like it.
Dear sweet precious child of God,
I am praying for you now. It is my fervent plea that God will show you his strength, his grace, his mercy, and his love through this terrible illness you have been forced to confront.
God is real. He is present. He loves you. He will walk this road with you, if only you will invite Him.
I will write again.
Love,
Nancy
Nicole,
God does care. He does love you. He is there for you. Cry out to Him and He will show Himself to you.
I, too, had cancer just last year and I know how scary it can be.
I will be praying for you daily!
Do not give up.
Lamentations 3:22-23
It is of the Lrod's mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Thy faithfulness. The Lord is my portion saith my soul. Therefore will I hope in Him.
Gina
Jesus loves you, this I know
for the Bible tells me so
Little ones to Him belong
We are weak but he is strong
Yes, Jesus loves you
Yes, Jesus loves you
Yes, Jesus loves you
The Bible tells us so!
My prayers are with you!
Heather sent me to you...."Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him and he will make straight your path!" I'm praying for you and your son. Catherine
I got this blog from Heather. I can't say much, but don't give up. You are loved. By all of us. But most importantly, by God.
my heart goes out to you. God knit you together and knows you inside and out, and your son. he is God's and He gave him to you. He entrusted him in your care, but ultimately is his father and he will not abandon either one of you. the promises that Christ holds are bigger than this world, bigger than us. praying for His peace, strength, healing, and presence with you tonight.
Please read this powerful word of the Lord for you today. Psalm 107:19-22 " Lord, Help! they cried in their trouble, and He saved them from their distress. He spoke, and they were healed-snatched them from the DOOR of death. Let them praise the Lord for His great love and for all His wonderful deeds to them. Let them offer thanksgiving and sing joyfully about His glorious acts." This is talking to you girl! Go read the the whole passage. It will knock your socks off and give you hope and a future. Please stay close to your son and don't give up by partying again. He is probably scared too ( if he knows yet). You can lead him to the Comforter that will change his life forever no matter what life throws at him....I too searched for your site...I have been through alot as a child. God set me free in a way that can only be explained as my chains being cut off. I was a prisoner that huddled in a corner hiding my face. God reached down and truely ripped off that bondage in a supernatural way...God is chasing you by letting all of us find out about you....Psalm 107:13-16 "Lord help!" they cried in their trouble, and HE saved them from their distress. He led them from darkness and deepest gloom: HE SNAPPED THEIR CHAINS. Let them praise the Lord for his great love and for all his wonderful deeds to them. For he broke down their prison gates of bronze; he cut apart their bars of iron." Hope and love are waiting for you ! I'll be checking back...Please post to let us know how you are doing!! Colleen
Nicole, All of these people are praying for you with intercessory prayers. God does hear them but please get in contact with a local church and minister for hands on support for you and your son. God loves you, seek him because he has been waiting on you.
I saw your URL on Heather's site. I'll keep you in my thoughts. I don't know where the light at the end of the tunnel is, but it is there. Take care of yourself.
I don't know you...you don't know me...but God knows you, loves you and knows you need Him. I am praying for you. I wish I could tell you some magic potion to make this all go away...but know you are being prayed for. And loved on from Murfreesboro, TN. Please let me know if there is anything I can do other than pray.
Nicole,
As a fellow single mom, I feel your fear. Remember, God is more powerful than anything you face. Trust him. He will take care of you and will take care of your son.
((Hugs))
You are in my thoughts and prayers. Please know that God doesn't give out illnesses as a punishment, that's just not His way. Please find God again before it is too late. He loves you and He's waiting for you to go back to Him.
I am thinking of you.
Hi,
Just found your blog at especially Heather,
you will be in my prayers every night and will get others to PRAY for you whenever we think about you and from now on I will be praying for you,
I am so sorry to hear of your illness lets see how God will see you through, He said he never fails
Marie
Nicole, I'm here through Heather's blog. I am so proud of you for doing the right thing and bringing your son into the world instead of having an abortion. I am so sorry that your father rejected you and your son, but your Heavenly father has not rejected you. He loves you, and ALWAYS does what is best for you, even when you can't see it. I'm praying for you.
Nicole,
I agree with the woman who said that you are strong - YOU ARE!!! You stood up for yourself and your son then. Do it now as well. Pray, read the Bible, don't give up. God loves you and your son - there is a plan to take care of both of you.
I, too, am a single mother and often wonder what would happen to my children if anything happened to me. I think this is a natural concern for those of us who are single parents. However, this concern needs to be given to God. God will provide for our children.
Also, please - please - please do not continue partying. You said that if your son is going to see you die anyway, why not? I'll tell you why not... IF he's going to see you die (and keep in mind that I said "IF"), do you want him to see you die as a result of drugs & alcohol? What will that teach him? How will that prepare him to handle life's challenges? On the other hand, he could see a strong, courageous woman fight for her life and for his. He could see an example of faith. He could see healing - be it of body, mind, hearts or spirit. He could learn to trust God.
"Great things happen when God mixes with man - great and beautiful, wonderful things - great things happen when God mixes with man" (from a song). Let God mix with you and your son - great things will happen!
Peace and God Bless!
Heather
My heart is breaking for you. Your news makes me weep with sorrow for the fear you must have in your heart. You are a precious gift from God and he will put people in your life that will help you through this terrible time. I will pray that you will have the courage to allow God to carry you through each day. Also for your boy. God's mercy and grace to you both.
Nicole - So many are praying for you and lifting you up to God - please don't lose Faith. Lean on Him more now than ever and know that He will hold you. He is sending you the love and heart of so many people - this is the 1st time I've read your blog or your story, but I, along with so many other visitors here for the 1st time, will be with you in prayer throughout your journey.
Count me among the many who came from Especially Heather. Know that you have one more family praying for you. God loves you and your son so much and even though it may not seem like it, He has you right in the palm of His hand. None of this surprises Him or catches Him off-guard.
"Blessed be the Lord, because He has heard the voice of my supplications! The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; therefore my heart greatly rejoices, and with my song I will praise Him."
Psalm 28:6-7
Hugs & Blessings,
Dianne :D
Headed over here via Heather as well. You will be the last prayer on my list tonight before I go to bed, dear Nicole. May you be assured of the prayers of many this night, dear one.
You are not alone, and you no longer need listen to the lies that you are being fed by an enemy who loses in the end. You are now surrounded by those of us who love you simply because you were created in the image of our Heavenly Father.
Welcome aboard, Nicole. We're here to show you the way to be rescued and have peace for eternity!
Hang on Nicole. . .anything can happen. There ARE still miracles. God is not "doing" this to you. God allows some things to happen which will bring us closer to Him. I know it doesn't seem like that. The thing is, sickness comes from sin. It isn't a punishment. It is a natural consequence. I have cirrhosis. Not from drinking, but from eating badly and to excess. It started with fatty liver disease. And, is now cirrhosis. We may both be able to get a transplant...so hang in there. If you drink and do drugs, no doc will consider you for a transplant. You have to be as healthy as you can possibly be if you want to live. Stay around as long as you can for your son. Don't do things that will cause you to leave him even earlier than necessary. I know this takes some time to adjust. It is awful, and I really feel for you. I wasn't dealing well myself, until I asked God how I could use this to His Glory. I decided if I asked him for strength, he would give it to me. Then, I can try my best to help others see God's strength in me, as I deal with my illness. I have been able to lose 30 pounds, and am eating healthier than I ever have in my life. Hang on, Nicole. God loves you. Love yourself enough to take care of you!
Peace be with you,
Annamaria
Nicole,
Am I to guess that you live in the Austin, TX area? If you do, please go to my web page and contact me ... I live in Round Rock and I'd love to talk to you. I've been through cancer, and I'm only 29.
In the meantime, I will be praying for you.
Lots of love,
Melanie
Nicole,
We don't know each other, but I am praying for you. The minute I read your blog (I was sent here by Heather, too, like many others), I could identify with your fears... I remember shortly after having my first child being gripped with fear that I would die and the she would be left alone. My heart goes out to you, Nicole.
I don't know you, yet I already care deeply about you and what happens to you. It reminds me a lot of a passage in the Bible where it says that if we people who are so imperfect and even evil know how to give good gifts to our children, how much more will God in heaven give good things to us, His children? I just want to assure you, Nicole, that GOD LOVES YOU. If you can't quite believe that right now, maybe it will be easier for you to believe that He loves your son. I sometimes have a tough time feeling like God cares about me, but I can't look into any one of my children's faces without believing that He HAS to love them! I am going to be praying for you and your son daily, that you will both KNOW God's love for you without any doubt, and that whatever happens that you will KNOW that He will work it out for good in your lives. And I will pray that He will bring you healing- from cancer, from all of the scars that you have from people mistreating you, and from the nagging feeling and fear that God Himself may not love you or that you might not be special to Him. Because you ARE special to Him!
I am praying that you will know that without a shadow of a doubt.
Many blessings,
Jen
Also here by way of Heather. Keep your faith, He remains true even in your times of darkness & despair. Keep praying, and you will find many of us praying for you as well! God bless you & your son!
Dearest Nicole,
I found you through Heather's blog as well. While I have never had cancer, I am a single mom of four. I have had major struggles this past year with my life and wondering where God was. Jesus says draw near to me and I will draw near to you. I cling to this. I know the fear of leaving my children alone. God can take the burden from you. Let Him. I will pray for you!
Here from Heather's blog too!! Look how many people are praying for you!! Feel the power of their prayer! Life is not always fair, far from it, and we don't always have the answers to all our questions, but I have learned through personal experience, that God is ALWAYS in control! He has a plan for you too! Just turn all your fears and worries over to him and trust that he is in control! Praying really hard for you!!!
Dear Nicole.
I read this link through Heather's blog and knew after my crazy day I would end up back here tonight. I dont know that I have any further gems of wisdom but I would like to leave you with several scriptures.
Psalms 40:3 He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.
Remember that sometimes when you go through something, God uses it for HIS glory!
Jeremiah 17:14 Heal me, O LORD, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.
Sometimes we dont realize it is often as simple as calling out to God in desperation- He hears us and HE cares for us so much! I know it may seem unfair but He has a purpose and plan for your life, and yes even your circumstance!
Psalm 62:7 My salvation and my honor depend on God He is my mighty rock, my refuge
sometimes God does need to get our attention and sometimes that means He takes desperate measures. What we need to remember is that He sent His ONE and ONLY SON to die for our sins- and sometimes we need a swift reminder.
Found you through Heather's blog. I will be praying for you. Don't give up on God...He is strong enough to carry you through.
Lord Jesus,
Take away the fear, and the pain from Nicole. Fill her afresh with the promises of Scripture and the reminders of how very much you love her and her son. Thank you for her presence. Fill her with your peace that passes all understanding. Heal her broken heart and her body from this cancer. Bind up the brokenhearted spirit in her. Fill her with your Holy Spirit and just belss her abundantly. Heal her cancer Lord if that is your will, and if it is your will that she walk through this fire, fill her with Your power to take on each day. Because Lord it is when we are the weakest your power is the strongest in us. Use her, let her life become a pure reflection of your love. AS you had only onw son- so does she. You know the pain she is agonising over with thoughts of her child. Lead guide and direct her every step, her every thought, her every breath. Replace the anger she has with peace, the fear she has with Joy, the anxiety she has with compassion, the worries she has with love, the tears she has, bend down and wipe them from her eyes, and let her know that she can be still and KNOW You are God and that You control it all.
In Jesus Name
Amen
Hi there. I also found you through Especially Heather and I just wanted to say that you now have many people praying for you and here to listen (well, read of course). God will take care of you and your son! Try your hardest to not lose faith in Him. Go to Heather's blog and read her words, because they are very inspirational and can help give you strength. Its only human to fear the future at times like this, we all do. But put your faith in God and He will see you through. I don't know exactly how Heather knows you, but I do believe that her site was meant to bring all of us here to you to show you that there are people out there who care and to help give you strength. You'll be in my prayers, and I'm sure many others as well! ((hugs)) God Bless!
Hey Nicole,
I too was severely abused sexually by my dad and his friends, and I know God is not punishing you because of that Nicole. While I do not have cancer I do deeply struggle with deep issues and know that God is capable of taking you right where you are and turning this into good.
He will not leave you nor forsake you or your son Nicole, you have to trust that before you can trust him.
He is a big God who loves you and is capable of handling all you give him. Please cling to that.
I pray that you can rest in the arms of Jesus and let him rock away your pain.
We are warriors for him and lift you before the throne today. I hope you feel his love.
God loves you, Nicole and is showing you right now. He's sent many many people to come encourage you and to tell you that you aren't alone. He is with you and he loves your son, even more than you, if you can believe it! He hates cancer and the sin that caused it to come into the world in the first place. Talk to God. He tells us in the Bible that he will be found by those who seek him. So seek him and talk to him and tell him how you feel!
Hi Nicole,
I found you from Especially Heather's blog. How can we help, dear sister? If there is a real way we can reach out, let us know. If you want someone to meet with you "in the flesh" (in person) to offer support and encouragement, just say so. Surely someone is close by.
All my kids were adopted from foster care, Nicole (we're in the process again right now in fact). My heart so deeply aches for you and your son and all the uncertainty you're facing.
Do you have a church family? Nicole, this is so very important because they would be the first to come alongside you and offer REAL help; meals, caring for your son to give you some respite, praying over you, etc. If you need help in finding a church family, please share that as well. We'll all do what we can to see that you are able to experience Christ's love in action as you go through cancer treatment.
Praying for you.
Blessings,
~Toni~
Those who love me, I will deliver; I will protect those who know my name. When they call to me, I will answer them; I will be with them in trouble, I will rescue them and honor them. With long life I will satisfy them, and show them my salvation. (Psalm 91:14-16)
There's a promise for you
Praying for you.
well lookie here what I see,, 106 comments from people who you have never herd of yep me too.... I am here to tell you to NEVER lay low,, NEVER give up ... ALWAYS know that God is by yoru side always and forever....
(((HUGS)))
You are in my prayers, Nicole.
Just wanted to let you know that I feel for you and your deep pain and fear. Though I don't know you, you are in my thoughts.
Hi Nicole
God does love both you and your son - and He understands your pain and anger. As other folks here have already said - give your life to Christ (if you haven't already) and trust in Him. Find a local church you feel comfortable in - and let God minister to you through His children - hey He's doing it already through all the people who are praying for you in cyberspace - but you need practical help as well. Holding you in my prayers.
Love
Susan (in Scotland)
Wow, what a heavy burden. I can't begin to imagine what
you must be thinking and feeling. However, I do know that
if I were facing those kinds of challenges, I'd be asking
the Lord to help me in every way.
There are many people who care about you and will be praying for you. You might also try to find a church
communiity--ask God to lead you to the right one.
Meanwhile, I'll pray for you, for your strength, your courage, and that whatever happens, God will provide everything you need to get through it. My faith is not always perfect but my hope is in the Lord. Nothing else
makes any sense.
I also have come here from Heather's blog. I am much older then you and have been through many difficult times, but looking back I can see that God has always been close to me and caring for me. I know it isn't always easy to see that at the time though; there are times when God feels far away, or when we feel nothing but anger for him.
My advice is to talk honestly to God, tell him exactly how angry you are feeling. Place all your worries in his hands. Place your child in his hands too. He will listen to you and give you strength.
I will be praying for you.
I thank you for choosing life for your son@ age 15. That was a very BRAVE choice, so I know you have it in you to be STRONG. I had kidney cancer, and the prayers of many helped me through. (I wish I had a site like this or EspeciallyHeather at that time!) In October it will be 5 years cancer-free. Praying for you and your son here in CT.
Don't give up.
please.
*hugs*
Nicole,
I do not know you or even your whole story. Just what I have read in a few posts today. But, I wanted to encourage to keep going. You CAN do this, just as you HAVE done things that most of us would NEVER have been able to do. God will NEVER leave you nor forsake you. Jesus says, "in this life you will have trouble, but take heart I HAVE OVERCOME THE WORLD." So we struggle through pain, death, discouragement, abuse, you name it- it is in this world- but we CLING to Jesus who PROMISES not to leave us. Will we fully understand Him and His ways while we are here? No, but we can choose to believe He is not out to harm us and allow Him to comfort us during our sufferings. Please, DO NOT GIVE UP! I don't know if you normally get over 168 comments per post but if not, then consider the comments as from the Lord. He is reaching out to minister to you. Don't turn away, grab His hand and purpose in your heart to walk through this with Him!
Natalie
Nicole - let us hear from you. What are you feeling, thinking, what is your son feeling and thinking?? We care even though we are strangers. We love you because HE loved you first!
Hope to hear from you soon!
Leigh
Yes Nicole, despite how it might feel at the moment, God does care and He loves you infinitely more than you could ever imagine. Being where you are now stinks, but it doesn't mean God is not there. Reach out to Him and He will walk through this dark time with you.
I will be praying for you and your son daily. Don't give up Nicole! God is bigger than cancer!
Wow Nicole - Jer 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." GOD IS WORKING IN YOUR LIFE!! See how this scripture is already alive for you! 169 people have already been touched by your story - and you are giving us HOPE just as GOD gives you HOPE! Lean on the Lord.. he has a plan for you. Know that HE will use all of your struggles for a PURPOSE that you may not understand today... reach out to him and have faith that you will be healed. Know that your faith is a legacy that you leave your son... and that your example, when the day does come that you will leave this earth, is what will matter most to him and to HIM!
Don't give up!! Have FAITH in GOD and know you and your son will be taken care of. I can only imagine how discouraged you must feel and hope you can get help for you and your son. Your lives are all ready changing by so many people reaching out to you through this blog. We cannot always change the course of our lives but having others to help you through it will be a blessing.
Nicole-
I am praying for you. I don't pretend to know what you are going through but I DO know that our God is an awesome God that can handle ANYTHING. He can handle your anger, and He can handle your cancer. He will take care of both you and your son. His love is unending and unconditional. Turn to Him everytime you feel like giving up. His love is real. Do not give up hope. I am a nurse and have taken care of all kinds of patients in all kinds of sickness. I am telling you that there is ALWAYS hope. I will pray for you sweetie. Please keep us posted...
I'm praying for you and your son Nichole. God holds you in the palm of his hand.
We live in a fallen world. A world that is full of sin because of sin. The was no cancer before the fall. Cancer is a "side effect" from living in this fallen world, like tornadoes, earth quakes, weeds, killing... God loves you. He did not give this to you. You need Him more than ever now to make it through this. Your son will learn so much from you!
Nicole,
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. You are asking if God is there, and I believe that's the right question - He never promised a perfect life on earth, but He says He will neither leave us or forsake us. That means He is still watching you and loving you and hoping for a chance to connect with you. He wants you to come to Him so that He can give you the support you are not getting from your extended family. I am encouraged because of the strong love and protective nature you feel for your son. If you can imagine, God loves you and your son more than any human can love another. I cannot predict the future, and only having read your blog, I can't give you much advice. But the one thing I know is that God can get you and your son through this if you will trust Him. He sent His son, Jesus, to pay the penalty for everything we've ever done wrong, if we only ask Jesus to come into our lives and take away these wrongs. I will be praying for you and for your son, that you will allow God to come into this situation with you and hold your hand.
Just wanted to send you a hug, and tell you that we are praying for you. May the Lord grant you the Peace which passes all understanding...
I am praying for you too!
Nicole, no matter how dark it may be, God loves you. And he will be by your side every moment. We'll be praying for you and your son.
Praying for you, dear girl. May God give you peace.
Nicole,
I'm praying for you and your son. Can you tell us what city you live in? There is probably someone reading your blog that would be able to help you.
Nancy
Hi, Nicole!
Hold on, girl. Look at all these comments and understand that all these people are lifting you and your son up in prayer, including me! Blessings and hugs for the both of you!
mel
I know you are in a feeling of despair and know one can answer your why questions. Just know that GOD is a loving GOD and he will comfort you but you have to seek him. There are things that happen in our lives that we don't know why but you just have to know that you know that you know JESUS loves you and he is there for you. You are in my prayers to find spiritual peace as well as healing.
I came over through Owlhaven's site.
I'm so glad you are honest. You have the prayers of us all. This must be a terrifying time for you. You seem like such a brave young woman. I encourage you to believe God. Believe that He loves you. Just that one thing, even though it is so hard. I will be praying for you.
found you through owlhaven. I believe in HIS power, will pray for you.
There's a saying in Spanish "La esperanza es lo último que se pierde" (hope is the last thing to be lost). Don't give up, there's so much for you laying ahead. Keep thinking positive, keep fighting.
Don't know your history apart from what I've read from your brief post here, but may be you could reach out to your mom....I know it's been "too" long and a lot of water has gone under the bridge...but maybe, just maybe you could make your peace with her and have her helping you through your fight. I know it's a long shot...but maybe, just maybe...
sending my love and prayers from half across the world...
happybell
I think these words are profound and put everything into perspective.
What Cancer Cannot Do
Cancer is so limited.
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot invade the soul.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot quench the spirit.
It can NEVER separate me from the LOVE of God.
I am praying for you and your son.
A friend from Indiana.
Stopping by from Especially Heather's Blog. You, my dear, have so much to live for. God can handle all the ranting and raving you can do...once you're ready, just say the word and He'll come in. He wants to fight this fight against cancer with you. I'll be praying for you!
Praying for you in Oregon.....
"He is the Fountain for a thirsty soul. He is the Healer and so much more. When my heart is broken by this world's demands, the pieces are mended with One Scarred Hand. And when I can't stand, I have to lean. And when I can't see, I must believe The Great Physician's touch is a balm that can mend broken hearts with One Scarred Hand." - Kyla Rowland (www.kylarowland.com)
Oh, how He can take something so ugly, like cancer, and turn it into something beautiful.
Praying that He sends more comfort, peace, healing, strength, grace, and mercy than you can handle.
Father,
I pray healing over this young woman. Courage, strength and blessing. God heal her liver, rid her of cancer, show her hope, Lord. Lord, may she feel the tender love of a Father that you have for her and her son. Bless her heart Father, and give her rest. Thank you, God - for her life, her love for her son, and for what you're doing in her heart.
Blessings from Michigan...
You are not alone. You are never alone. Jesus loves you. He will never leave you. Praying for you.
Nicole.
Words are so inadequate right now....but please know that there are many people (including myself) who are praying for you...thinking of you....hoping for you. You seem like such a strong person...that has been through so much. Please keep crying out to Jesus. Even if you are angry at Him right now, and do not understand the WHY of all this....just keep crying out to Him.
Hang tough , girl!!!!!!
We are praying for you. You are precious in His sight and I hope that you can feel loved and encouraged from all the comments on your blog. Please let us know if there are specific things we can pray about for you and your son.
Those who love me, I will deliver; I will protect those who know my name. When they call to me, I will answer them; I will be with them in trouble, I will rescue them and honor them. With long life I will satisfy them, and show them my salvation. (Psalm 91:14-16)
Phil 4:13
Hugs, prayers
gp in montana
Bless your heart - God loves you with an all-consuming love - He loves you and your son SO much. Oh how I wish I could hug you...you are so precious to God - despite any and all mistakes that you have or will ever make. Know that we are lifting you and your precious son up in prayer. I am so very sorry and my heart hurts for you. Cling to the promises of God that your days and your son's days are numbered according to HIS plan - not chance, not mistakes, not circumstances, not even cancer - God loves you SO much. It is easy for everyone to tell you things when we are not walking your path - but if I can pass along something I heard this week it is this - take your circumstances and see them through the Word of God - through God Himself instead of looking at your circumstances and defining God through those. Sunshine
Good Morning Nicole, I am Laurie out here in California. If you have been able to catch your breath yet, after reading all of the encouragement that is coming to you, know that this is the first of many miracles God has waiting for you. He heard your Screaming heart, sent one person to share it on Especially Heathers blog, and BOOM, He opened the heavens and poured down his love on you through all of these hearts and the Internet!
After reading all of the loving posts, I can see that you are being covered and bathed with prayers for every area of the pit you find yourself in.
I want to talk to you about the condition you find your heart in right now. God's heart is breaking for you right now because there is so much shame and pain in there and it is blocking His love from getting through to you. I was also sexually and emotionally abused by my dad, the person who was supposed to love me and protect me from harm. In a safe childhood, our dads are supposed to be the example God uses to show us His Heavenly Dad love for us, teaching us how much we can trust Him. Instead, our dads shattered the innocence, giving us a very confused and distorted view of God as our father. We know that to some degree, He loves us but not as much as He loves all the GOOD people who aren't Damaged Goods like we are. We try many times to cry out to Him and when He doesn't take the pain away, we feel we are not good enough for Him to help us.
It is hard, if not impossible to accept outside love from people, and especially from God. So we turn and run, taking our lives by the horns fueled with all the anger and hurt, and continue to hurt ourselves more, because this is what we have learned to do from the people who were supposed to protect us. God does not punish us for the things we have done or things done to us. But when we let go of His protecting hand and go it alone, we
stumble through life, unprotected. This is where bad and unfair things happen to us, and this is where God will in His love for us, allow us to hit a wall. This is the good thing, turn around and with your broken shattered heart, run into His open arms. Ask Him to help you trust Him right where you are in the pit. He is waiting to reach down and gently pull you out, promising to never let you go, never. He understands how hard it is for you to truly trust. He knows everything you have ever done, and all of the things done to you. There are no secrets to God, and His heart is aching for you right now, just look at all the posts he has put on all these ladies hearts.
He has touched each one who has been through some same thing that is hurting you. I have walked away from the Lord so many different times in my 59 years of life and one thing always rang true to me, I walked away, and He came with me.
Each and every single time Nicole. See, He promises to never abandon us and even though we don't really trust that, God knows what is in our heart and keeps His promise to us. He has walked through each hurt with you, and He will continue to walk through all that is ahead for you, He just wants you to trust enough to take His hand and let Him show you how much He loves you and wants to bring you back into the path of your good future he created just for you, and for your son. All you need to do is listen with your heart as he cries out to you to "Be still, and know that I am God." Give Him your "wounded child heart"
again, to heal and protect as only He knows how. He will meet you the moment you ask Him, I promise, He did it for me and He will do it for you Nicole. It starts with a simple surrender and a fragment of trust.
And may I tell you that I am so proud of you choosing Life for your son when everyone in your life wanted you to throw Him away? Your son is a precious gift from God to you, no matter your age at the time or your circumstances. God did not make a mistake when He created you, and your son. God does not make mistakes. He has a plan for you, and though life has dealt you many hardships to try and destroy it, God holds His Plan for you gently and tenderly in His hands and heart until the moment you ask for it back. I too, had cancer 11 years ago. God did not give it to me because of anything I had done, it just happened. But I can tell you that He walked through it with me and gave me the faith to believe Him when I couldn't find it in myself to believe He was there. I will wrap this up by telling you this truth from my innermost heart. I am so grateful for everything that has happened to me in my life and would not change a thing even if I had the choice, if it meant letting go of the wisdom and love that Jesus has allowed me to know by going through it. Jesus took our shame, guilt, hurts, upon Himself when he willingly died on the cross for us. We didn't ask Him to, He loved us so much for these very moments in our lives, He went willingly. How is that for wondering if God loves us. We can't do anything to earn it, it is a free gift waiting to be opened up and taken into our hearts. This is your turning point sweetie, right here at the wall, crying out, terrified, feeling no hope for a future (which is a lie from hell),
lonely, feeling abandoned by life,
worn out right here and right now,
flat out whipped. Ask Jesus to take it all, every stinking piece of the brokenness, and show you how He can build a castle out of the dirt and ashes of your young life. He won't let you go until He completes what He started in your life anyway, so fighting it by running will not work because He loves you too unconditionally to let you go. Please let Him help this very minute by asking Him to show you His way. This is where the new journey begins Nicole, and all of us out here will share the burden of the rest that is ahead for you.
None of us have "ARRIVED", we are all works in progress, here to help you, grateful for making the choice to let Him take control. You will be giving your son the best gift he could ever want from a Mom. I am so sorry that your Mom abandoned you when you needed her the most. I won't abandon you and I take you in my heart as my own daughter today. I only have 2 grown sons, but the Lord has made you my 8th daughter in Spirit. You have my heart Nicole and my prayers every day. I love you. ~~Laurie~~ ***Laurel***
Nicole,
I'm here via my niece's website. www.ashleyadamsjournal.com She is battling cancer as well. Your story so touched my sister-in-law because she has traveled that particular part of your road. I have walked other parts - the addictions and such and wanted you to absolutely know that when people suggest God as the answer, it is not only from a bunch of perfect "church" types that have life all figured out. My own past is so very awful and embarassing and I was not accomplishing the half of what you have through it all. I am AMAZED by your story. And I do believe God directed Heather @ Especially Heather to your website so you can have some real tangible help. I can only imagine with your background that trusting people must be extraordinarily difficult, but I can't help but think that with so many women here to comment, some of us MUST live near to you and could help you. Is there any way to know your state so you can get in touch with the commenters from there? The first thing I thought when I read here is "That really is an impossible situation all by herself." Maybe Heather found you so you won't be by yourself. Can we help? You have so inspired me by your strength. Your son is SO BLESSED to have you!
You are in my prayers.
Love and blessings,
another single mom
Nicole,I was lurking on another blog and decided that I'd lurk on yours.God is on you side.He holds our future in his hands and he alone knows what is ahead of you.Lean on Him and He will give you rest.He knows what we need before we ask and He knows the desire of your heart and the desire of your son.I have noticed that you now have alot of people lifting you and your son before the face of God.I am joining in that group of praying and believing people.Trust in God and not in your own understanding,read His word and pray to him ,cry out to God ,He will hear and He will give you comfort.
Post a Comment