Thursday, July 19, 2007

Look, I don't have all the answers to all that I am dealing with. Ladies I know the truth. I truely will understand if You believe and want to take sides with this person that has been writing to me and to you with her comments. I WILL NEVER EVER ASK YOU TO PICK SIDES. I dont care to read anymore of what she has to say, not becaue I am lying but because I am not going to allow one person to pull me down.. MICHELLE think what you want. I know the truth and so does God. Its been a hard month dealing with everything so I dont need her crap. Tomorrow I have appointment with the doctor so I will know more for everyone that cares. thank you for those that are there for me. Sorry for all the trouble.


Hello Ladies, I did a lot of thinking tonight and you all are right. I know who I am and where I came from and where I am today. Yes I didnt have it easy growing up but I learned that I can give my son the life I didn't have. He is my life. Ladies when I first found out a while ago about my results, I got so freaked out and didn't know what to do except for closing off myself from the world because I was afraid. Over the last few day, seeing and reading all the comments from you all, it really touched my heart. I may not be good at showing it but it's soooooo true. I had so many beautiful messages that meant the world. Tonight I had to go through some of them again and allow them to speak to me. When I recieved that one comment from that person that doesnt know anything about me , I was angry not because they were right but because how cruel people can be but someone said on a comment that I had one bad comment from a person but every other one was beautiful and meant someothing. Ladies I hope you all can forgive me for my additude, frustration and bitterness but the truth is I was scared. I guess it is easier to blame this on God, then to try to admit that I am sick and scared. Ladies you all are soooo beautiful, words cant explain it. I am going to take this one step at a time and live to the fullest with my son until the last breath that I take. He comes back on Friday from my friends parents farm and I am going to love him , spend time with him and tell him how much God has blessed me with all of you. I even may allow him to read the comments from you all. LADIES, from today on, I will not party anymore, drink or what ever else that isnt good for me. Will I mess up ever, oh I will ladies but who doesn't. There are so many people that I would love to thank but I think I will just write on their blogs....but I do thank every single one of yous ..even the one that left that untrue comment. Darla and Heather I THANK YOU TWO SO MUCH. Darla is like that mother I havent had, she's been awesome and I love her with my whole heart. Heather I thank you for allowing others to read of your blog about me, it's funny I dont know how you found me or even heard about me but I was very touched from what you did for me. I am praying for you, I may not be a good prayer or know what to say but I will. Thank you again ladies. I am glad to have you all on board, well I walk through this journey. Thank you

Tuesday, July 17, 2007


This blog is for the Anonymous (THAT CALLED ME LIAR )You can say what you frigging want. If you don't have the GUTS to use your real name then leave me alone. I know the truth and I can show papers for it but I dont have to prove anything to you. I HATE PEOPLE THAT THINK THEY KNOW EVERYTHING. For thiose who thinks the same then stay the hell off my Blog, sorry but I am getting ticked off how people can be so rude.

Thursday, July 12, 2007


Dear Ladies, First please bare with me, as I am not good at this stuff. I don't really know what to say but I can say thanks for alll the messages. I did read everyones so please don't feel left out as I did take the time tonight to read them. WOW. Look, yes I am angry, bitter and so much more with god. If I didn't say that I would be lying to you all and to myself. I AM SO ANGRY THAT I AM READY TO JUST WASH MY HANDS WITH GOD!!!! I ask my self WHY me, WHY do I have to have cancer for. WHY does my son have to lose me too.IT'S NOT FAIR. I HATE IT. I don't need it. If I am going to die then so be it. If God is going to take me away from a boy that I love and he loves me THEN WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS SO CALL GOD if he can do this. All my life, I had everything taken from me. I am sorry but it's how I feel.
So thanks again ladies for the emails.

Friday, July 6, 2007


READY TO SCREAM, GIVE UP AND STOP CARING. I thought my life was going to be different, I thought I was going to live a life of good and have peace and happiness and be healthy so I could love and take care of my SON but that isn't the freaking plan. My son could lose his mom right in front of his own eye's. I hate that feeling, why didn;t god give me this befor I had a son, when I was a freaking loser with nothing to show for and a life of nothing but drugs, and partying or how about when my stupid ass father and his friends were abusing me, why couldn;t he take me then. I HATE IT SO MUCH.