Dear Ladies, First please bare with me, as I am not good at this stuff. I don't really know what to say but I can say thanks for alll the messages. I did read everyones so please don't feel left out as I did take the time tonight to read them. WOW. Look, yes I am angry, bitter and so much more with god. If I didn't say that I would be lying to you all and to myself. I AM SO ANGRY THAT I AM READY TO JUST WASH MY HANDS WITH GOD!!!! I ask my self WHY me, WHY do I have to have cancer for. WHY does my son have to lose me too.IT'S NOT FAIR. I HATE IT. I don't need it. If I am going to die then so be it. If God is going to take me away from a boy that I love and he loves me THEN WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS SO CALL GOD if he can do this. All my life, I had everything taken from me. I am sorry but it's how I feel.
So thanks again ladies for the emails.
THANK YOU DARLA FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT. YOUR A AWESOME LADY.
87 comments:
Nicole,
Praying for you in Tennessee. I worked in my yard tonight and prayed as I worked. . . we don't always understand why things happen when they do but please know that YOU are precious in God's sight. You are not an accident. And the fact that you have touched so many of us is not an accident, either. God is using others to help you on this journey He has asked you to take. Be strong!
{{HUGS}} from Laurie in TN
Nicole-
There is ALWAYS hope. It may not be in circumstances, but it is there. How do you know you are going to die? No one has dictated that as of yet. God's love is not based on what he DOES FOR US IN OUR EARTHLY LIVES or what he ALLOWS TO HAPPEN TO US. He wants us to have life abundantly, but that doesn't mean it will be easy. Jesus says in the Bible, "In this life you will have many troubles (i.e. we're supposed to expect life to be hard), but fear not, I HAVE OVERCOME THE WORLD."
There is NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING ANGRY. Even in the Bible so many people expressed their anger to God. David, Job and so many others. There is NOTHING WRONG with being angry. It's normal, it's human. What gets us is when we hold onto the anger for a long period of time and allow it to take root and invade our mind, heart and soul.
Nicole, God WANTS TO HEAR FROM YOU regardless of what you have to say. They can be mean words, spiteful words, etc., but just like in our relationships here on earth, if we don't talk to each other, we don't get closer and we don't have a relationship with each other. Nicole...that's what God wants with you...a relationship. He wants you to call on him in your time of need. He wants to be the Daddy that you never had. Sweetie...just try it.
And...God uses circumstances in our lives to grow us and make us stronger. You cannot tell me that everything you have been through has not made you stronger and MOLDED YOU INTO WHO YOU ARE TODAY. Because I know it has. I believe you are stronger and better off because of it (i.e. look what a blessing your son is to you!) It doesn't mean that the things that have happened to you were right or fair or legal or justified. But, you are wiser and stronger from them. It doesn't mean that you are not hurt or wounded or broken down from them...but that's where God comes in. He wants to be the healer of your hurt, wounded and broken heart. He wants to wrap you up in His arms, hold you in his lap comfort you and tell you that He's going to walk with you through all of it.
Ask yourself this...what if this diagnosis had been given to you. You would have just kept walking through life never having questioned your life, never having met us and given us the chance to be blessed with this online friendship, never gotten the chance to realize how much your son really means to you, etc.
Sweet child...listen to us, please. We don't even know you, but we feel such compassion and love for you because we know how much God loves you. We love you because we know He loves you. And love is not always a feeling. Oftentimes it's simply an acceptance of a commitment that you know to be true.
Nicole...my dad left me when I was a child and I grew up feeling so rejected and unloved. I spent so much of my life searching for love in all the wrong places. When I married, I couldn't have a child biologically. Nicole, these things have served as catalysts in my life to bring me closer to God and I now know that I am the person I am today because of those things. I won't tell you they didn't hurt, but I will tell you that I wouldn't trade the road I have walked in life for ANYTHING. Because what I've been through has shaped me into who I am today and caused me to see my God in a new light. It doesn't mean I have to understand it or even like it. But, through time, I have accepted it and even learned to appreciate it.
Keep talking to us, Nicole. Let's talk this out. Let's help you get clarity on how you feel.
You are precious. I love your questioning heart and mind. I'm so glad I was DIRECTED to your blog by Heather. :-)
Hi, came by way of Heathers blog also. Do not give up. Keep praying and have HOPE> Hope is what breaks it or makes it in my opinion, pray without ceasing, he is listening, he knows what is in your heart, and he is just waiting for you to say, Okay God, it is all you. I have to remember this all the time, and it is hard, so hard, and I cannot pretend to know how you are feeling right now. But God knows, and do not forget that, Do not walk away from him. Good luck, and I will be praying for you.
Nicole,
Keep crying out! I said that in my comment on your previous post, but I truly believe that it is important. There is a Christian band called Third Day and they have an amazing song called Cry Out to Jesus. I will see if I can find it and send you the link.
You are being prayed for by people all over the world! You are loved!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVMcR4z-L_c
Here is the link to the song I mentioned earlier!
Hi Nicole, I am another Laurie but I am in California. I have been praying for you non-stop since yesterday. I just read what you posted tonight and
it was good to hear from you. Your anger is valid for what you are going through right now. But anger only expresses the deep hurt inside that wants to know WHY? I truly hope that you will let God help you Nicole. He loves you so much and has the answers you need to hear. It was God that brought you to us and now we are here for you. I am not going to give up on you and God is never going to either. He is after your heart to not harm you, but to help you through this for you and your son. I am praying you choose to fight for your life and not give up on yourself. And please post from time to time to let us know how you are and if we can help. ~~~Much Love from California~~
Honestly, I asked the same questions. My children don't deserve this, my family doesn't deserve this, my husband doesn't deserve this. I have asked God, actually screamed at him "Why" Why must I go through this, why now, why me, why....
But then I look at the wonderful children I have raised, I look at my oldest daughter Easton, what this has taught her in her short life (she is 10, in the past ten years she has gone through so much. Her younger sister, Emma Grace is a transplant patient with Autism and a terminal disease)She clings to Him more fiercely with every blow.
We have been given blow after blow after blow... and I would be lying if I didn't admit to screaming at God during these times.
But His love is steadfast. It is in the moments that I feel so very alone that cling to Him, and Him only. He loves you so much, He has trusted you with so much.
Don't waste this opportunity. I choose everyday to face my day with hope....Even if I cant get out of bed because the grief is so great. I make a conscience choice to not give up.
I encourage you to do the same..
Dont give up, You have so much to live for.
Everything happens for a reason and a purpose. I believe this with all my heart. The why's could go on forever - why did my grandfather have to die so early, why did my dad get cancer, why did my FIL pass away so young, why did MY house get destroyed in the hurricane and I lost 80% of my stuff, why were forced to live in campers and portable buildings and my husbands plant close down.... I could go on and on.. the whys won't get answered until we meet Him. And then, I don't think it will matter anymore. We are all delt a hand in life. You have a choice how you want to handle it. With HIS grace or not. My prayers are with you again tonight :)
I know you must be so frustrated. I would be too. Your anger and questions are so normal. I am glad our God can handle that anger and the tough questions. Keep searching and He will be found and be found faithful, even when I am sure you can't see it now. Know you are loved and prayed for. Laurie in Pa
Hi, there,
I know how you feel, I don't have cancer but have been afflicted with a "thorn" you could say for the most of my life. I have agoraphobia in a bad way, I have gotten better but I know what hell is. There is no way to describe it myself to bring forth the affect it had in every area of my life, I did not raise my children properly and to be awake or asleep was torment. I watched a documentary where the called the "illness" a crusifiction, I cried out to god when I was 18 and asked if he could instead give me a tumor at least they could take it out was in my mind.
Did I believe God loved me? absolutely not, was I judged for not having faith, absolutely,
But now I see a clearer picture, not bright but more acceptable,
I am so sorry that you are hurting so much, I don't know what the prognosis is, but one thing, God is faithfull, he has to be, He sais he is, The walk is so difficult and it is such a struggle sometimes to pick up His word and believe, we get to that place but at your time,
I have been praying for you and will keep on,
Hugs, Marie
Yes you have been dealt some rotten blows in life but God never promised life would be easy! You have every right to be angry but you need to focus on living and not dying right now! Your son needs you now more than ever and you need him. Yell at God, scream at God, tell him how unfair you believe this all is, and then you will be able to turn all your fears over to him and he will cradle and comfort you in his love! Still praying very hard for you!!!
I wish I had the words that could speak right to your heart. ...But God's can. He has promised you and your son so much. Claim them...claim very single one!!!! Make them your's...make them your son's. God does NOT break promises..He can't..I love that about Him.
I would just like to add on that it is so wonderful that you have support here and so many prayers, people now a days are gentle and will accept your anger, try to comfort you,
in my young days this was not so,
God bless all for the support, it has given a new meaning to the word Christian for me,
Marie
Still praying for you :) God is a big God he can handle your anger. And He'll be there to hold you when you need Him just the same. xoxo melzie
nicole, it is probably hard to have the kind of faith you are reading about in these blogs if you've never experienced the closeness to God that they talk about. all the words and the encouragement might sound hollow to you. right now, your situation just sucks. plain and simple. we all know that. i think that the prayers that are being said for you will help you when you don't even realize it. you may not be in the position to fully understand the relationship these women have with Jesus Christ but i can assure you their (my) prayers WILL affect you and change you. God uses believers to help others when they aren't able to. i think you are going to be surprised soon at the changes He has planned for you. plus, i can tell you that if you didn't have a healthy relationship with your father, it is SO difficult to understand a loving relationship with your Heavenly Father. it will take work and time. He will wait for you. much love to you and your son! jan
You have been so heavy on my heart all day. I am praying for you and am SO sorry you are hurting. Please know that so many do care - even though we may never meet you - we are willing to walk with you through this. May God continue to shape, comfort, and guide you through these next days, weeks, and months. It is ok to be angry and it is ok to ask why - please PLEASE don't walk away from God. Sunshine
((((HUGS))))
Bless you. One day at a time- you're a great mom, who made an awesome choice so young and you're here, the mom of an awesome son:) You're here. God knows your heart, He knows who He created, not the things you've done, for He forgives and washes the slate clean. You're His girl and He loves you and your special son-you're not alone. Look around, and see how many love you both and the support you have-you have family through the body of Christ. I pray for your comfort, strength, awesome doctors, and wisdom, and the joy of you and your son-for you are loved. I pray for an outpouring of support in all ways-that you be able to rest, rest it all at His feet. Bless you both! Big hugs!
Bree
Dear Nicole,
We don't know each other, but you have touched my heart. How I wish I could sit and talk with you in person. I would somehow try to find the right words to comfort or encourage you. I just want to reiterate what these other gals have said... "DON'T GIVE UP!" As long as there is breath in you, there is hope!
God isn't "doing" this to you. This is just part of living in an imperfect world. There isn't any reason why it's you instead of me, and you're not the only one who is struggling with this disease. There are probably even other women in your state who are single mothers and also have this disease. You have every right to be frustrated and even fearful, but God really can comfort and strengthen you. He really can! You are so loved!
What state do you live in? I'm wondering if any of us gals could be a help to you with your son as you undergo treatment for the cancer.
I just want to say one more thought...
Fight, Nicole! Muster up every ounce of fight within you and decide that you aren't going to give up! You have so much to live for!!! You can beat this!
God bless,
~Leah from Alaska~
Nicole,
You and your son remain in my prayers. I agree with these other wonderful women who have said that it's ok to be angry. It really is. Anger is one of the stages of grief. Many people are angry before they can be accepting. It is human nature. The thing is that God created us, so God knows all about this process. God is patient. God loves you no matter how you feel.
When you're ready, take this anger and turn it into passion. Put this energy into positive use for you and your son. Fight for your life: pray, research, pray, talk to others, pray, find a support group, pray, read the Bible, pray - did I mention praying? :> Writing this reminds me of a couple of lines from Dylan Thomas...
"Rage, rage against the dying of the light ~ DO NOT GO GENTLE INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT"
When it's your time to go meet your Heavenly Father, you will go. But until that time use your resources and continue to make your life something of which you and your son can be proud. I say 'continue' because you have already done so much and God (and I) do not want you to stop.
Peace and Blessings,
Heather
Nicole, please live. Do not stop, do not give up. You said it yourself...your son has given you so much to live for...do not stop now.
There is always hope. And there is always now. Not one of us is guaranteed tomorrow, not one. Please live in the present, hope and pray for the future. Ask friends for support.
{{{HUGS}}} I'm praying for you and your son.
Nicole,
You (and your child) are in my prayers. May you find healing --- whether it is physical or emotional to deal with all your pain --- and peace.
((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
Maria
The title of your blog touches me.
I am praying exactly that for you. That God will heal you and make you whole.
OK sweetie FIRST let me say I can only imagine how you feel.... BUT then can I ALSO say I have had a few close love ones near me be hit with this stupid cancer crap. I would likd for you to PLEASE get a fighter in your back pocket!!!!! You have got to see IF THERE IS A CHANCE IT IS YOURS TO HAVE GO FOR IT!!!!! you have been in my thoughts all day.... I can only say I am sure I woudl too question God,,, BUT can I say that there have been many times in my long life that I have done so and still wait for answers today. CHIN UP my dear.. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!
You have touched my heart, Nicole! Thank you for your honesty!!! Your love for your son inspires me!
I want you to know that I have hope for you, and for him. I am praying for you!
Love,
Sadee
Bebo Norman- Borrow Mine
Take my hand and walk with me a while
Cause it seems your smile has left you
And don't give in, when you fall apart
And your broken heart has failed you
I'll set a light up
On a hilltop
To show you my love
For this world to see
You can borrow mine
When your hope is gone
Borrow mine
When you can't go on
'Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine
Take my love when all that you can see
Is the raging sea all around us
And don't give up 'cause I'm not letting go
And the God we know will not fail us
We'll lay it all down
As we call out
Sweet Savior
help our unbelief
You can borrow mine
When your hope is gone
Borrow mine
When you can't go on
'Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine
When you are weak
Unable to speak
You are not alone
The God who has saved us
Will never forsake us
he's coming to take us
Take us to our home
You can borrow mine
When your hope is gone
Borrow mine
When you can't go on
'Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine
Take my hand
Take my love
Don't give in
Don't give up
Maybe he brought you cancer to bring you to him. To save you. To connect you with all of us.
I don't know sweetie. What I do know is that there are cancer survivors. You need to start thinking like a survivor.
Whether you die of cancer, old age, or a car wreck tomorrow, all you have is this moment. Live and love with all your might for this moment.
Nicole,
I am praying for you and your son. I hope you find comfort in Him.
Many Blessings,
Paula
Nicole,
Hold on and wait upon the Lord.God knows and more importantly, He CARES.I can't wait to see how the Lord works in your life.Talk to God,read His word,dig in the bible and hear what He has to say to you.You have alot of people from all over the country praying for you and your son.Sometimes we need to lean on other people and their prayers....an old hymn comes to mind...Learning to lean on Jesus.
Finding more power than I 've ever dreamed.I'm learning to lean on Jesus.Praying in Lower Alabama.
Nicole,
I truly understand what you are going through as I had cancer just last year myself and asked some of the same questions.
Do not give up on God! He does love you! I cannot answer why he has allowed so much hardship in your life, but He has allowed it for a reason. He is God, there is no other! Keep trusting Him and He will answer you! He will never leave you or forsake you. He knows your fears and anger and hurt and He can heal you! There is always hope. Choose to live each day with JOY and it will make an amazing difference!
Much love and prayer,
Gina
Your love for your son comes shining through each of your posts. It's a beautiful thing. It's okay to be angry; I can't imagine what you're going through right now. I'm praying for you and your son.
Dearest Nicole,
I appreciate your honesty and I am not the least bit offended. I have been involved in a 3 year chronic illness and am under the care of an oncologist here at the Teaxs Cancer Center. I haven't been "fixed" despite all of the medications, IV's and even surgery. I too found myself angry at God, shaking my fist at Him and questioning Him. I shook up a lot of people that know me. I told them,
"God can handle it! If He can't then He isn't who He says He is!"
God welcomes our questions, our fears, our doubts, even our anger! I am praying that God will reveal Himself to you and touch your spirit with His presence, His peace & His comfort.
Hugs from texas,
Connie
I am so glad you commented. One thing that has helped me through all of life's bum deals....Rain falls on the just and the unjust. Because of sin and the fall of man the earth is full of sickness and disease. God doesn't do any of these things to people. I realize that every healthy day that I get is not to be taken for granted. The difference is when we have confessed our sin and asked Jesus into our heart, we have a Refuge in life's heartache's and horror's in your case. With Jesus we can have deliverance from our past, supernatural healing, hope and a future. Cry out to Him, get angry, read His word even in your anger...He is waiting for you. He is a Father to the fatherless. I have found great comfort in that since my dad is dead. I know that you feel like you cannot trust Him and I have questioned Him and whether He is out there. That is when His word speaks volumes to our hearts. Psalm 66:16-Come and listen, all you who fear God, and I will tell you what He did for me. FOr I cried out to Him for help, praising Him as I spoke. If I had not confessed the sin in my heart, my Lord would not have listened!But God did listen! He paid attention to my prayer. Praise God, who did not ignore my prayer and did not withdraw His unfailing love from me. God can carry you and your son through this. Without Him we have no one and no hope. I guess that is the difference between accepting Him, you have the God of the universe to carry you. People without God go through these things with no hope and dispair. Belief in God changes everything. Your life matters Nicole. No matter what has happened to you or what is in your future turn it over to God. If you have a Bible start reading the Psalms. We are all pulling for you girl! Colleen
Good Morning Nicole, It's me, Laurie from California and it is 7:00 am. here. Since I have taken you into my heart as my adopted daughter in the Lord, I want to say I know you. We don't know each others faces, but I know your wounded and broken heart. I know enough of the Anger that paralyzes you into feeling there is no hope, so what's the use, and I know your feeling of wanting a future but it just isn't there for you. I walked this path for almost 40 years. Your Anger is real and it feels like a bomb is ready to blow. The responses you have receive over the past few days is overwhelming and too much to process in your angry mind, let alone your broken heart. It overwhelms me just to read all the loving encouragement coming to you right now. So, I think I want to tell you today that the message
God is sending is this:
1. Do not give up!
2. God loves you unconditionally,
even if you don't Feel it.
3. Take all of this Stinking Anger
to the Lord and tell Him how
sick and tired you are, pour it
out to Him, as He already knows
what you are angry about. He is
just waiting for you to unleash
it. And when you do, He will
even show you the anger you
aren't even aware you have been
holding. Nicole, He is there to
take it all. He is a Big God.
I think you are feeling true in wanting to give up. You are up against a wall you can't see over or through. It is God on the other side pleading with you to GIVE UP
all your anger and hurt to Him. Not
giving up on yourself. You are in the fight of your life this moment to find an ounce of faith to trust Him to see you through. Once the anger is released from your heart,
there will be room for Him to come in and start his healing house cleaning, showing you a brand new Hope. You may find you don't need answers to alot of the whys once the anger is out in the open with Him. He will give back what was taken from you, I know this for a fact. Don't turn your back on Him at this moment He is knocking on your heart. You want answers? He is trying to give them to you today!
You want to know why? Put all your energy and anger and ASK HIM. I know you are tough enough to do this. This is your God given right as a child of God. Aren't you just a little bit curious what He has for you in trade for your Anger? Try Him, He is BIG and He is WAITING to meet your challenge.
You are so close to your breakthrough you can reach out and grab it Nicole. Jesus Loves You!!
~~Hugs and Prayers from California~~ Laurie (Laurel)
Nicole,
Praying for you in Michigan. My heart breaks for you and your precious son during in this devasting time. You have every right to be angry. You have cancer. You are young. You have a child to raise, a life to live and you get cancer. That is not fair. There is always hope. Cry out to Him, draw close to Him. Crawl in His lap, the only Father you have, and cry on His shoulder. He will listen. He will answer.
{{HUGS}}
Katy
Nicole,
A good friend once told me that God doesn't give you any more than you can handle. You are a strong woman and you are blessed with a wonderful child, and people that care about you as you travel down this long and bumpy road.
Remember if faith is hard for you right now - just keep the hope and good thoughts in your life.
Nicole,
I realized something recently about philipians 4:6-7 that I had not internalize or realized before.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests unto God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hears and your minds in Christ Jesus.
I always thought of this verse as being two different times. You pray, God answers, and then you have peace. Now I believe very differently. You pray, give it all over to God, and He gives you his peace. A peace that doesnt make any sense because you have it before you have any answers.
when you read through some of the Psalms you see this. The psalmist starts out angry, depressed etc.
half way through he looks at who God is and by the end he is praising.
Its normal to be angry but please dont stay there. move to the next step and realize... No one loves you like God who gave his only son so you can have a relationship with him. He loves your son as well. He can carry you both through this time no matter what the ending. nothing is a suprise for Him.
life will be ups and downs. no life is perfect and trials are very real. But Gods love and support are also real. Hope this makes sense and helps.
First of all, being angry with God and asking 'Why me?' is a pretty normal part of the grieving processs when you first learn that you have got cancer. Most of us go through it to one degree or another.
We all know that bad things happen, often to people we feel have already suffered enough. Lord knows we see it every day in the newspapers, or on TV. We may not like what we see, but we kind of accept it when it happens to others. We just shrug our shoulders and think how terrible it is. As soon as something bad happens to us though, we are ready to complain and say 'Why me?. We seem to think that we should be immune to all the bad stuff in life! But we could equally say, 'Why not me?'. How has any one of us earned the right to be immune from these thinngs? I figured - when I had cancer myself - that it would be better to say, 'Why not me?'
Another idea to think about is that we do not know for certain if these bad things really come from God. We know that God is supremely good - and, for good to exist, there has to be evil too. The evil forces (the devil, if you like) are very powerful, possibly much more powerful than we realise. I think there is a constant battle going on between good and bad - and evil sometimes wins for a while. How can we know that God is responsible for something bad happening to us? Maybe the bad things come from the devil and not from God. I am no theologian, but I just wonder about these things.
I do believe though that once something bad has happened, God does have the power to help us fight against it. Sometimes though, he has His own reasons for not helping us as much as we want. I guess that is when accepting His will becomes so hard. It is impossible for man to truly understand God.
By the way, I know that all these people going on about God when he isn't exactly your favourite guy can be extremely irritating! You have a lot of people here just willing you to hang on in there though!
Take care.
Nicole, I found this web site that I hope will inspire you to fight this monster. If not for yourself by for your son www.whathelpedgetmethrough.org I know you feel very scared but you have lots of support if you'll reach out and you CAN survive this. Anyway, I LOVE YOU and YOU CAN DO THIS!!!
Hey, you're not dead yet, right? There's still time for healing and a complete turn-around. Don't underestimate God - see what He does if you give your life over to Him. But you have to let Him have it. Give Him the go-ahead with this life of yours. Say, "Take it, God! This sucks! I hate it!" and let Him run with it. He cannot fully bless the life that's not His to toy with. God's a true gentleman and will not barge in where He's not invited. Healing may be waiting on YOU, my dear...
Praying for you here in New Jersey.
You asked why God didn't take you when you were doing drugs or when you were being abused...God has a plan for you.
Nicole,
I completely understand with your background how you need to work through A LOT of feelings before you can just decide to trust God. Especially with all of the confusion you were dealt early on. And how, right now, it takes all of days just to figure out how to make it to work and to the doctor and still watch over your son. Is there anything any of us could do first, just to ease THAT burden. Meals? Transportation? Financial help? Anything! My heart hurts for you and your son. You are right. You don't "deserve" this. But you did CHOOSE once to give life to your precious son. He...and you...have a purpose on this Earth. I hope you'll fight this cancer with all that you have (and the help that you'll need) so you can give him life again, a good one, different from what you were handed. It sounds like you have been on the right track. Maybe, just maybe, before you believe in God, you could at least believe in some of us who live near by you to help get you through.....on terms that make YOU comfortable. heyracer@aol.com
Nicole, I posted a little earlier with a site to visit here are a whole bunch more I found on another blog and all of them would put you in contact with YOUNG cancer patients. Maybe you won't feel so alone. Maybe just maybe one of them will provide that "one little boost" your looking for. Again, LOVE YOU.
Cancer Blog Network
Anice Sewell - Anice is a young wife and mother with three small children, Zachary, Kylie, and Tate. Anice was diagnosed with breast cancer in March of 2007.
Colon Cancer Sucks Ass - Christine is a 29 year old diagnosed with colon cancer in August of 2005.
Shawndra Turner - Shawndra is a 30 year old mother and wife diagnosed with colorectal cancer in November of 2006.
Dana Velander (Caringbridge site) - Dana is an 8 year old diagnosed with a relaps of liver cancer in 2004. She has shown no sign of disease since September of 2005.
Katie Smith - Maintained by her husband James. Katie passed away in November of 2006 following a battle with pancreatic cancer.
Keith McCord - Maintained by his wife Stephanie. Keith, father and husband, passed away in December of 2006 following a battle with cancer.
Karen Kisherwood - Karen is a 35 year old mother and wife that was diagnosed with breast cancer in May of 2005.
Wendy Mundell - Wendy is a 41 year old wife diagnosed with colon cancer in January of 2006.
A Journal of Survival - With help from daughter Misty, Donna maintains a blog. Donna was diagnosed with breast cancer in November of 2006.
Kari Moroz - Kari is a 30 year old mother diagnosed with breast cancer in 2006.
Leroy Sievers - "My Cancer" is a blog chronicalling Leroy's battle with cancer. He has worked for both CBS and ABC News and is the former executive producer of Nightline.
Nate Barrell - Nate is a 31 year old father diagnosed with colon cancer in January of 2006.
Jaymun Kaat - Young child diagnosed with a rare form of Leukemia shortly after birth.
Tom Lavelle - Tom is a 39 year old husband and father diagnosed with kidney cancer in June of 2005. He currently shows no visible sign of disease.
Adam Beldycki - Adam is a 31 year old that has battled colon cancer. He is currently visibly free of disease.
Sahara Aldridge - 12 year old diagnosed with brainstem tumor in 2006.
Lara Dwyer - Lara, wife and mother of two, passed away in January of 2007 at age 32 following a year and a half battle with cancer.
Kristy Dusseau - Kristy was diagnosed with leukemia at the age of 24. She is now 26 and fighting like a champ.
Mary Winfrey - Mary, a good friend of the family, was diagnosed with breast cancer in December of 2006. This wife and mother of one will not let her diagnosis slow her down.
Trent Zimmerman - Trent passed away in April of 2007 at 20 years old. He was diagnosed with osteosarcoma in the summer of 2004. In January of 2006 he found out the cancer had returned. His girlfriend Casey McCoy has maintained a Carepages.org site for Trent called TrentZimm.
God loves you Nicole. You don't have to "feel" it. Just know it. He does. More than you will ever comprehend. This life is not the end - it's not all there is. It's just a very small blip in a very large picture. We don't know what tomorrow holds. But we know Who holds tomorrow. He is walking every step of this journey with you, and only He knows where it is taking you. Lean on Him Nicole. Let Him be your strength.
Read the book of Job. He said - "Even if You slay me - still I will trust You". Trust Him Nicole - He knows what He is doing in your life and in your son's.
Hey Nicole,
It's me again : ) I just emailed you the link to "Don't Waste Your Cancer".
I feel like there's SO much to say....so many lies to shut out and so much truth your heart needs right now!
I want to say first THANK YOU for choosing LIFE for your son!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't think I can say that LOUDER and with more THANKS!!!! You were 15 yrs old, sister! And you chose HIM over yourself - THAT is a RARE act of love, courage, selflessness, and humility!!!!!!! PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!
And I want to say that the GREATEST gift you can give your son....in life or death.....is JESUS!!!!! I don't know the number of your days (OR MINE!!!), but I do know that with EVERY breath I do take, I want my kids and family to know WHO I'm living for - JESUS!!! I want them to know He ALONE is worthy. I want them to HOPE, TRUST, LOVE, TREASURE, and find ALL their JOY in HIM alone....b/c this life was NEVER promised to be easy...but in fact Jesus promises IT WILL BE HARD "In the world you will have tribulation. But take hear; I have overcome the world" John 16:33....so IN THE trials and tribulations, I long for my kids to have an eternal joy that will give them strength. I trust you want that for your son as well. He's looking to you for the answers right now. And what you say is influencing his heart. You have the opportunity to speak truth to him, and offer him hope....everlasting hope. I'm NOT saying that's going to be easy....NO, NO, NO!!! In fact, I'm saying IT's GOING TO BE HARD!!!!!!!!!! BUT choosing life for your son at 15 HAD to have been hard!!! Raising him on your own has HAD to be HARD! There's NO doubt the Lord has given you MUCH grace on the road you have traveled, and He will NOT stop now!
I was reading the story of the prodigal son to my kids this morning. And explaining to them how the dad is like our Lord, and the son is like us. We question Jesus' love for us when things get hard. And we run away b/c we think he should make it all better....then he doesn't....and we get angry. BUT all along.....Jesus never walks away. He is FAITHFULLY waiting on the front porch longing for his children to come home to Him!!!! I believe I read that story for you this morning, Nicole. You are running away from the One who LOVES you more than ANYbody!!! He created you for HIS glory, and He is waiting for you to come back....LONGING for you to come back....interceding to the Father continually on your behalf!!! And when you make that turn....He's going to RUN to you, meet you, and embrace you!!!!!!
Again, I can't imagine ALL you are facing right now.....or have faced in the past. I am NOT trying to put bandaids on your wounds or what I refer to as "Bible bullets"....supposed to be helpful, but are really hurtful! I'm NOT trying to dismiss your fear, your pain, your heartache, your questions - NOTHING! I encourage all of them.......but IN Christ.....run to Him with your fear "cast your anxieties on ME because I CARE FOR YOU" 1 Peter 5:7
I share all of this with you IN LOVE. Because I so LONG for you to have joy in Jesus for your sake and your son's sake because ALL of the things in this world will not satisfy....even if you are healed of your cancer (which I believe CAN happen) there will be MORE trials that you will face and will be tempted to be angry at God for......so getting to the root of your anger (it's not the cancer or the fear or your son being alone)....will ultimately bring you the MOST satisfaction in this life and bring MOST glory to God.....and MOST hope for your son!
praying, praying, praying for you!!!!!!
Job...what an amazing man of God he was. He served the Lord with intensity and great love, yet all ten of his children where killed on the same day, he broke out in disgusting boils and lesions which covered his body, he lost his home and wealth, his best friends told him he must be in sin and abandoned him, and his wife told him to "curse God and die". YET...Job chapter one says that in all this Job did not sin. Instead he "tore his robe, shaved his head (a sign of mourning), then fell to his knees and cried out, 'naked i came from the womb and naked i shall return. I will praise the Lord all of my life'. " Job grieved, he questioned, he cried out, but he never gave up and he trusted in the Lord rather than his feelings and other people. In the end (last chapter of Job), God restored all that Job had lost TWO FOLD!
NICOLE...you have to make a choice now. It is natural that you feel angry, confused and bitter. But just as you chose to keep your son against all odds, and just as you have chosen for 12 years to get up out of bed and take care of him even when you didn't feel like it...even when you were depressed or lonely or angry or tired...in the same way you have to chose to believe and trust in the soveriegnty of your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Don't trust your feelings right now...you are experiencing something traumatic. Your feelings will not get you through to the end. Jesus will...you already know this don't you? I think you do. You just need to make the mental choice to walk in faith and hope and love and not to walk in the enemies lies. Do you realize what an unbelievable plan the Lord of all creation must have for you and your son in order to have so many people thinking of you across the globe? What if this is all to build your son up into a Godly man of great character so he can be used to lead multitudes to Christ using his testimony? What if the Lord has a plan to restore all that you've lost and longed for your entire life TWO FOLD? Make the choice to trust Him...right now. And everytime your emotions overwhelm you (and they will!) chose Him again. you can write me at psalm518@hotmail.com
I just wanted to say that I have been through things too. Times I questioned God and what He was doing in my life. Here recently I was doing it again, but let me tell you I KNOW God is real and that He has an awesome plan for you. Even though I have hard times, I have also seen so many miracles in my life. With my health and my 2 year old little boy that God brought to us through adoption 2 years ago. This may not be the life you planned, but it is the life you have and you have to fight for it. You have to fight to be with your son. I believe God has brought all of these people to your site to pray for you. To support you and help you become closer to God. God can work miracles and you have to believe that He is going to do that for you. I almost died when I was 15, and He saved me. Since then, God has worked so many miracles in my life. Things I know are miracles. Just don't give up. You and your son need each other. He will see when you are ready to give up, and that will effect him. Let him see that you are going to fight to live for him and know that God CAN heal you.
Nicole,
The sin, the sickness, the terror, the pain...is not God's doing...It is ours--man turned away from God and choose his own way. We can blame Adam and Eve but if you or I stood in their place we would have sinned too -- so we each of us is collectively to blame for the evil in this world.
But we still have an individual choice...go down with the ship or reach out and grab God's lifeline!
He is not in the ‘whys’…
He is the Answer.
He is not in the pain….
He is the Strength to endure the pain.
He is not in the suffering ….
He is the Comfort
He is not in the turmoil……
He is the Peace in the midst of chaos.
He is not in the fear…..
He is the Love that dispels the fear!
He is the Voice that guides us to the safety and shelter of His arms where no enemy can defeat us, no harm can destroy us, no terror crush us.
I am praying for you!!
Dearest Nicole-
My heart goes out to you as you struggle through this difficult time. Hold fast to Jesus and He will carry you through this! I know that your mind must be filled with fear and uncertianty over what the future holds. Remember that the same God that is holding you will watch over your precious son. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hey Nicole,
I don't really know what to say. I do know it's okay to be angry with God, as long as you don't lose sight of the fact that he IS God. I'm praying for you.
Hugs,
Melinda
Nicole, there is a big picture and we can't see it. We don't know what God has for you or your son. Horrible things can happen in our lives that have amazing, unbelievable consequences. Today and tomorrow are a short time in the big picture. Try and put your hope on something bigger. Help your son to have hope. Your fear and anger are to be expected. God created you to feel these things. Cry out to him even if you are angry. Tell him you need help,hope, clarity, healing. In the end he is the only place you will find the comfort you need to carry you through. My heart felt prayers are with you.
Nicole, sweetie, you must understand that God is not the problem. John 10:10 says, "only the thief (Satan) comes to kill, steal and destroy, but I (Jesus) have come to give you live more abundant." I my Bible this is in red, which means Jesus spoke these words. God is love, so if He is love, why would He put sickness on you? He wouldn't. Unfortunately, we live in a fallen world of sin, brought to us by--satan. This is the time for you to run to God, for He is our protector, defender and Father.
You should find you a woman's Bible study or church group to be a part of your life. They will surround you, love you and care for you, if you will allow them to do so.
Praying for you!
So glad you commented. Keep up the dialogue, if not with us, at least with God. He will help you with your anger, and anything else you have. Feel free to contact me or anyone of these lovely, kind, ladies. humincat@yahoo.com
Nicole,
I lost my 3 and a half year old daughter last year to brain cancer. The trails are hard and God is the same place now for you as he was for his son when he died on the cross for us. Cancer is not from God and there are things you can do that will help you Prayer is number one obviously, and then start building your immune system back up. With my daughter ill I started doing research. My friends mom was given 6 months to live with the liver and kidney cancer she had. The Chemo and radiation were kicking her hind end to say the least. She started the regiment that is to follow and today she is 100% cancer free and the doctors are scratching their heads, she always gave the glory to God and kept her faith. Look into Waiora.com (you want the waiora drops that removes toxins) and Mannatech.com (ambertose.) It's worth the look-up. God bless you and keep faith strong. I have seen amazing miracles and healings through my trial with my daughter last year and can promise you that the Lord still heals today as he did over 2000 years ago. Yes she did die and I miss her physical being, but she got the ultimate healing. She got to go back to the cross with Christ. As the song goes by Mercy Me..... I can only Imagine.
Lisa in OR
You are going through one of the stages of grief:
Denial (this isn't happening to me!)
Anger (why is this happening to me?)
Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)
Depression (I don't care anymore)
Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)
Please don't give up. You need to be a fighter right now. For your son and for yourself! Scream at God if you need to. He can take it. Then pray as hard as you can to Him to give you streangth to get through this. I'm praying for you. My thoughts are with you and your son. God bless you!
Just keep writing. You will find it does help.
Hi Nicole,
Checking to "see" if you posted a blog, thinking of you and praying, the road is difficult it may not mean much right now the comments I am praying that we can be support for you and that through this journey you will see God, I know myself I would find it hard to believe which brings us back to His word, I will never leave you or forsake you and He cannor lie,
when my life was so dark I would hang on to the scripture, be still and know that I am God and I would just repeat it in my mind over and over,
Praying for you,
Marie
Nicole.. Is there a support group that you can get involved in? I wish I could give you a big dose of hope! I know that you and your parents are on the outs but maybe you can find a church close by and it might serve as a sorta of adopted family for you and your son. I really hope and pray that you can find someone close to where you live that you can confide in. Sometimes when I talk to a friend I feel beter, even if nothing changes in my circumstance. I pray for you and your sweet son! Love you,janf
Nicole;
Can I pray for you.
Father;
Lord I lift up my sister to you, Father she is struggling with seeds of bitterness-I pray against it rooting in her heart, mind, soul and spirit. Father bitterness is a tool the enemy uses in his plot to destroy us, we know that He only comes to steal from us, so Lord I am asking that you come and guard my dear sister.
Lord, I don't know the details about this situation she is currently facing, but I know you do. I ask Lord that your Kingdom would come, your Will be done in her life. I know that there is no cancer in heaven, Lord so I pray that truly Your Kingdom would come mightily upon her. Your healing touch in all areas of her life- not just the cancer Lord. I pray that you would bring her your perfect peace that passes understanding, that which would guard her heart and mind.
I ask for her to be comforted, as she waits on you and that Lord you would bring around her strong believers to encourager her.
Father, she is feeling like abandoning her faith, due to fear and anger. I pray that you would bring her a fresh revelation of your great LOVE for her and that the past would not control her thoughts or actions now. Lord, I know that there is nothing...NO Thing impossible for you- so we ask Father for your awesome hand and Power upon Nicole and her dear precious son.
Give Nicole wisdom, because Lord she may not know that there is power in our words. Help her to use great wisdom (from you) before she speaks-and even in what she thinks.
Strengthen her and in advance I thank you Father for the work you are doing now in her heart, mind, soul and spirit. Be glorified and give her more reasons to praise your wonderful Name!
In Jesus' name I pray
Amen
Kimmie
mama to 6
one homemade and 5 adopted
please feel free to email me ;-)
(((((HUGS)))))))
kimmie28@gmail.com
I know that anger well: third time back here just waiting for confirmation...
It's a bitch but we can face this and we can do it beautifully...
But like you, the anger is overwhelming...
Minerva
You need Christ, Nicole. He wants you or He wouldn't have sent all of us to you in this firestorm of blogging.
We are only human, however, and our comfort can only soothe the hurt in a very small way. His comfort can do so much more. He can give you a peace like no other. He can calm your fears, but more importantly, He can give you eternal life--none of us can do that except HIm.
Still praying.
Hi Nicole,
I'm back today to let you know I am not going to be "excused from the table and go away".:) I woke up a few times in my sleep last night with you on my mind. I normally sleep like a dead log, so I knew to pray for you.
I know you are in the struggle of your life right now and I am so sorry for that, but I also have so much Hope in my heart for you. I know the pattern of wounded people, we reach out for help and when it arrives, we push it away, wanting to receive it but don't know how or we are too proud. As someone posted yesterday, God is a gentleman and will not force himself on us. He is patient, kind, and loving but in the meantime, He has laid you on so many hearts of the ladies posting here because we have been through trials of our own and know Hope. I'm not here today to offer up a new answer because there isn't one.
The answer you need has already been posted in almost 300 messages in the past three days. Different words, different circumstances, but the very same theme, Jesus is asking for your heart. He wants to pick up the shattered pieces and hold you close to Him and give you Hope and Love. It is simple and hard at the same time, but he will take your anger and fear, and give you peace and hope. This is what I am praying for you each and every time you come to my mind. I won't quit and I will not give up on you to see a good future waiting for you and your son.
~~~Love and Hugs from Laurel in Ca.)
Hi Nicole,
I looked up your name on a baby name site and it means "victory of the people!"
Amazing!
You are in a battle and your name means "victory!"
Cancer seems like an unbeatable disease and your future looks hopeless but Jesus Christ changed water into wine...he healed lepers who put their faith in him...he ROSE from the DEAD!
You have several choices right now in how you go through this battle.
"Praying God's Word" by Beth Moore is one awesome book to get in your hands and start writing out scripture cards to pray in the battle. I used this when I went through a divorce after 25 years of marriage. I didn't want a divorce...it ripped my heart completely out...but my man was abusive and I had to leave. He turned around and divorced me. My two daughters have hated me for leaving and he lies to them about me. It has been a living nightmare but God has faithfully brought me through the divorce and has given me a new life that I KNOW He planned for me. He whispers to me and encourages me and I am never alone...He has me in His Hands.
Death is not your enemy.
Listen to that one more time.
Death is not your enemy.
God still works miracles today.
He didn't restore my marriage into a healthy one but he did give me a new life...a better one. I didn't expect it to turn out the way it did but I trusted God and refused to lose my JOY. I trusted him day-by-day and moment-by-moment. He was my Living Water.
You need to fall face down on the floor and just lay there crying to Him. Work it all out and then just be silent in His presence. Very Silent. Let Him speak to you. I have turned over while I was on the floor and just told God that I was dead. I meant it. I just couldn't go on any more. And He breathed life into me once more. I can't explain it but I know it is real when He restores us. Psalm 23 was such a message to me!
The enemy you have to fight right now is your own self-defeating attitude. It does nothing except send you straight into the pit. Go sit in the valley. In the valley the soil is the most fertile. When we are on the mountaintop we have our most wondrous times with God. But when we are in the valley...we are growing and producing something precious. We are being watered and fed nutrients our soul needs. We are producing something great and special.
You are in a valley...not a pit.
You can come through this praising God instead of cursing him.
Look into the eyes of Christ and remember that YOU are precious to Him. He has trusted you to come through this battle and He is Your Warrior. He is fighting for you. Who, and I mean that, Who in the world knows what God has in store for you? Job received a double blessing for his faithfulness to God. God has wonderful plans for you if you will go through this with Him.
Father, gently lead this dear lamb through this valley of the shadow of death and may she fear no evil. For You are with her. Give her the serenity of Your Holy Spirit teaching her TRUTH. Love her beyond measure and give her a strength beyond human ability. Grant her divine wisdom to care for her son...to teach her son...to grow in this valley. You are Able. In Jesus Name. Amen.
Praying you will see as God is revealing Himself to you and your son. God will never give up on you. I learned that the hard way. Ask for Him to help you believe what He says is true, and expect Him to do it. It will be amazing.
tYour life is not over. Look to the future with your dear son. Imagine the healing coming in, and love settling in each cell of your body. feed yourself well, physically and spiritually. You have to believe it to take the steps..You can do this!!
Hugs,
Jenn
I am not nearly so eloquent with my faith or with my words as these other so obviously Godly, scriptural, prayerful women are, but I did want to let you know that I am praying for you. To be honest with you I am still figuring out what it means to be angry and sin not. I always thought that any time we got angry at someone or something or God that it was a sin to get angry. I was very angry, I guess you could say with God, about eight months ago when my husband lost his job. We used to go in to work together every day and I so enjoyed that. I couldn't figure out why God would allow something like that to happen. To be honest with you, I am still trying to figure that out. But I will say this. I have learned some things I would not have learned. I have grown in ways I would not grown. God's NOT trying to be mean to you. He's not trying to pick on you. And this is certainly, most defineitely, NOT happening to you because God doesn't love you. The exact opposite is true. Go back and read the story of when Lazarus died and read how many times the word love is mentioned in that passage. Jesus LOVED Lazarus. And don't be afraid to get upset when it seems like God isn't working. Lazarus's sisters got upset when they thought Jesus had arrived too late. 'Lord if you had been here our brother would not have died.' The truth of the matte is, it may seem like Jesus is miles away, like He's like He's not working, like he has forsaken you. But the truth is, HE HASN'T. How does that old saying go? He's never early, he's never late. But He's always, ALWAYS!!, right on time! Don't let Satan lie to you. Don't let him talk you into believing God doesn't love or that this is some kind of punishment for past mistakes. Take those thoughts captive. God loves YOU AND YOUR SON!!! He has your best interests at heart. And remember, God loves your son more than you do. He has a plan specifically designed for your son, too. Blessing to you and God bless! We love you and are praying for you here in Illinois. Judy
Nicole,
I really don't know what to say except that I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you and that God is big enough to handle your questions and your anger. I am going to pray that you will take it to Him and that He will show Himself to you and show you that He really does love you.
Blessings,
Jen
Oh, how He loves you both!
I was directed here by Heather's blog, too. I am praying for you and your son. Cling to our God who is the Great Physician of body and soul. His ways are not our ways but His ways are perfect. Trust Him. Talk to Him. His love will carry you through. And know that there are many out there who are lifting you and your son up to Him day after day. Do not give up HOPE.
mel+4
Nicole, at one time or another, we all question God - 'why can't things be different?' We don't know God's plans for our lives. Circumstances also sometimes get in the way of our thinking that God truly is our healer.
I read through your notes tonight and I understand why you might be down on God. You are afraid your son might have to be without him Mom. God understands, for He gave his only Son for us. I believe He is right there, waiting with open arms to take you into them and give you the love and support you need, going through this ordeal.
Both of my sister-in-laws have battled cancer. One has been battling Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma for over 2 1/2 years, not knowing if the next day might be her last. But, she has held on to her faith in God, and right now, she is in remission for the 2nd time (it came back the second time in the worse form). She witnesses to everyone she sees. And she's back to teaching school.
Let God back into your life; he loves you very much. He can handle our problems much more efficiently than we can. And He loves your son very much.
And remember we are all praying for you, although we've never met you.
I don't know what to say that would help you, all I know is that I too struggle with my life and I still --sometimes barely but do --call on the one who saves because HE IS ALL YOU NEED, right?!?!? But I know the lonliness and now the illness on top of that probably is so very overwhelming.
Jesus, I know I haven't talked to you really in a while, so Lord I am now and I want to ask for your forgiveness. Please make me right with you so that I can pray for Nicole. Because I know you tell us that the prayer of a RIGHTEOUS man/person ARE POWERFUL and EFFECTIVE, so Lord please make me righteous, help me to do the right thing, to seek you first in ALL things, in ALL times, because you are my breath, my hope and YOU ARE MY LIFE! So just heal Nicole, please! if that is your will of course if not, then please bless her as she goes through this part of her life. Thank-you! Amen~
Hi Nicole, I am thinking about you and praying for you this morning out here in California. I don't know if anything has changed for you in this last week of your struggle. I do hope that the Lord is able to clear a tiny space in your heart to let the love come through from all the messages left here by ladies who truly care about your life. I do hope you will continue to post updates here and ask for help. We all care and are praying for you. ~~Love and Prayers to you as you start a new week~~
One of the anonymous commenters above mentioned a cancer blog network. This can be found on Jennifer Ireland's Blog.
Don't give up the fight. Fight for your son, fight for your future and fight for a propose in life.
I was sick with problems with my gallbladder and liver, my kids where 2 months and 2 years old. I fought the doctors and fought my body. I have had surgery and recovered since. God isn't trying to ruin your life, but He may want to teach you or someone close to you something.
Keep Fighting, God is the only one who knows when it is your time to Go.
Be praying for you
Mel
Gosh Nicole,
I just scrolled through all the comments left on this post and it was overwhelming to me to read them -- it's an awful lot to take in, all these people offering up their prayers, their wisdom, their Biblical insights, their personal stories and their help. I imagine that you may not even know what to do with this outpouring from total strangers -- I'm pretty sure I wouldn't. I just hope that maybe you'll be able to sit quietly and read through them at your own pace and take in what is offered. I truly believe that God can use these caring strangers to impact you in ways that are probably beyond your wildest dreams. Stick with us, bombard us with your questions, share your anger and frustrations -- there are a multitude of people already doing battle with you and for you through prayer to the Healer of wounded bodies and souls and the Father who never leaves or deserts us.
Hold on to God's hand as if your life depends on it--it really does. He will never leave you or forsake you, in this world or in the next.
Nicole, I am praying for you. I hope you don't think that your present condition is in any way a judgment from God for your past way of life-- God doesn't work that way. We all pray that God will heal you... You might consider starting to attend a local church and get involved with some strong Christians-- perhaps if the worst happens your son will not end up in foster care but in the home of a fellow church friend that you know and trust. I wish you the best!
I left a comment already but wanted to let you know that I am praying for you and your son. Mostly I pray that the peace that passes all understanding will take a hold of you and ground you in Christ and that you may know beyond a shadow of a doubt how MUCH God loves you. You are precious to Him, you are beautiful, and you are a joy to Him. Sunshine
Nicole, Please give your life to God. We are so strong in ourselves...it is only when we are made weak that we will even glance upwards much less give ourselves over to our Redeemer. He loves you enough to ALLOW this cancer to be...that you might give your broken heart and body to HIM. If you hold onto your broken life and heart thinking that you can somehow *show* God...dear one, that is exactly what Satan wants...to destroy you. Call upon your Savior Jesus Christ...He loves you so very much. Praying for your salvation- In His Love, Heather (okinawa, Japan) I serve a mighty God
feel free to be angry and be real with God. He knows your heart.
how much do you love your son and want to give him good stuff? God loves you more than that. really. He is crying with you. and wanting you to come to Him more than anything in the world. i don't know why there is such crappy stuff in the world. but i know He's made my travel through it so much better.
i'm praying for you from arkansas.
Hi, Nicole,
This is a dark and scary time for you. I can "hear" the emotion in your words, and my heart aches for you. You and your son are in my prayers.
She's lying
Oh Anonymous, how I wish you knew my Jesus! Life without Jesus is like a black and white photo...but when Jesus comes into your life he brings LIVING COLOR!
Nicole, you are constantly in my thoughts and in my prayers. Is anything too hard for the LORD?
You can rest in Jesus. He will carry you when the way is too weary. Love you, siesta!
Dear Nicole, I think of you constantly. I hope your getting the care your needing. Sending all my love, Tanya
Hey Nicole. You have every right to be angry and scared and falling apart. I'm a single mom and got very sick last fall. I got better, but that didn't stop the fear -- what if something happened to me? What would happy to my daughter? What if I keeled over at work? Who would pick her up from daycare? How would they know?? I lived in debilitating fear for several months...and then I did something about it. I moved near family. I gave up a great paying job, townhome, church, friends and moved to be near family I hadn't seen much in 10 years. I did it for peace of mind...so that I know if I got hit by a bus, my daughter would have someone nearby that she knew and who would take care of her. It still makes me afraid and angry to think that I could suddenly be taken away from her (after all, we know best how to raise and love our kids, not other people, right??)... the point is, I needed something of a plan. I needed to prepare for the "what ifs".
I make less money now, we live in an apartment for now while I try to sell my townhome, I have to start over with church and make new friends. But I have a plan for her, which makes me feel better. Doesn't mean that I wouldn't be angry, very sad, and frustrated if I found out tomorrow I wasn't going to be around to raise her. She's so amazing and precious, it just wouldn't be right for me to have to give up the priviledge of raising her. I get angry and tearing just thinking about the possibility.
But the plan helps a little bit. It takes away the fear component, so I can function. Get a plan. It won't change the anger or the frustration, but it will ease the fear. I completely understand your fear of the foster care issue... if that becomes your only option in your plan, you let me know and I'll be a part of your plan. He can have a home here.
You're not dead today. You still have a life today and an opportunity to make choices and plans today.
Be careful, anonymous, for the measuring cup you use to disperse mercy is the one God will use for you!
Even if, and I say, "If," that were true and Nicole says it's not so I choose to believe her, then why did you make a post like that? Why not offer up a prayer for her instead?
I found you thru Heather's blog and even though my heart breaks for you and your son I know that something good can come out of this. You may ask yourself what I could be talking about! You can show your son with the time you have left (no matter if it's one day or 40 more years) what it's like to be a strong woman, a loving mother and a child of God. I say FIGHT with everything that's in you, LIVE with dignity and give him a foundation of FAITH that will carry him thru the rest of his life. Whether you die today or years from now-what you do right now will be what your son will remember. If it's my time to go I want my son to be left with the memories of a mother that love God and loved him. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.
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