Wednesday, July 4, 2007
In a pit
I haven't been on here for a while. I was hiding from the world and fell into a pit. Not long ago I found out I had liver cancer, being 27 years old and knowing what I got is scary but knowing you are a single mom to a 12 year old is even scarier. Why it is, because I am all he has, he doesnt have a dad that is in his life nor does he have grandparents. SAD. I got angry and walked away from God, as I was sooooooo ticked off with it all and felt that I was getting punished from the things I did in my past. I pushed God out and stopped caring. I started to party a little bit (DRINKING AND HANGING OUT WITH SOME OF MY OLD FRIENDS) I guess if I am going to die and my son is going to lose me anyways why care then. I love my son and he is my whole world. I had to send him a way for a few weeks until I figured what I was going to do, he went up to my friends parents farm with her kids. I needed a break from the world. I AM SOOOOO ANGRY. Anyways thats all about me.
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6 comments:
Hi girl, please do not give up.
Here's an encouragement I would like to share with you:
"The important thing is to keep moving forward. If each of you use your sadness as a source of growth, you will become a person of greater depth and breadth — an even more wonderful you. This is the harvest of your pain and suffering. Hold your head high. Because you have lived with all your might, you are victors. You must not sink into depression or take a path that leads to self-destruction."
The one who has suffered the most has the greatest right to become happy. You have the power deep in your life to become happy.
The following is my email address: liangye(dot)tan(dot)2004(dot)[at]gmail(dot)com. Please email me if you're able to okay? *hugs*
Hey sweetie, I am praying so much for you. Please try not to be so angry with God, from my own experience it is not good to be defiant to HIM. Keep talking and we are here to help you in anyway we can. God is not punishing your past! HE removes our sin as far as the east is from the west! I committed to pray for you and a couple of my friends are also praying for you. Especially my friend who is going through the same as you. have to run but will get back to check on you later.
If you're angry at God then tell him. It's in our nature to feel angry and scared at a time like this! But our loving Father will help you through it if you let him. Don't give up! Even if we can not understand His ways "in ALL things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28. I know you understandably want instant healing but it may be a process, your son needs you to keep faith in our God. I am praying for you and I know others are as well!
your Siesta in Christ,
Kathleen
I know your angry as He--. I have been there and back. Yes, back. I had liver cnacer, I had it removed, had radiation and chemo. You need to be stong. Ask God to help you....put some of this awful stuff on His shoulder...he will cary it for you while you get yourself well. I am praying for you! Sue
I can't say I know what you're going through. But I did have similar feelings a few months ago. My 5 yr old daughter was diagnosed with brain cancer and I was PISSED. Everyone kept telling me I needed to draw closer to God during this time. But I was so mad. I just kept thinking that it was a punishment. Why should I have to sit here and watch my daughter die before my very eyes? What did she ever do wrong? All I could think was it was a punishment for something I had done. I too wished that if something bad were to happen, why couldn't it have happened when I was abusing drugs or being physically abused by my stepfather. I hated going to church because I felt like a hypocrit. How could I pray to God when I was so angry at Him?
Don't give up. Things, in a sense become easier. You will now have a new normal. Things you never ever imagined you would have to deal with will now become part of that normal. One thing I've learned while helping my daughter during her journey is that a positive attitude is VERY VERY important. I know it's difficult, but even finding something positive in something small. Start with being positive that you here one more day with your son. Then maybe, while you're going through treatment a positive note might be at least you didn't throw up from your chemo.
I'll be keeping you in my prayers.
God's word says that Satan is going around like a roaring lion trying to steal, kill and destroy. If you give up and head back down the old path then you are allowing Satan in your life and giving up is exactly what he wants you to do!
You are more than a conqueror through Christ! Hang in there and take shelter in God's arms, He loves you so much! Even before you were born He had a plan and a purpose for your life!
Jeremiah 29:11 says for I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you.
I can't imagine going through what you are going through right now but just remember that God's bigger than cancer! It doesn't matter what any test results show, God is the one that has your life in his hands not any doctor!
I'm praying for you!
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