Friday, June 22, 2007

FINDING OUT YOUR SICK

I am 27 year old single mom of a 12 year old ( yes I was 15 when I had him for who ever is tying to calculate it in your head lol ) Can you ever think of waking up fine one day to getting news that you have cancer. Well I did? I was just find weeks ago but one day I felt really ruin down, sick even throwing up, my eyes were kind of going yellow and my feet and hands were even starting to swall , thought that I had the flu. They ran test on me and decided to take some xrays, then a few days later my doctor sent me for a MRI and thats when it was found. When I was called in , I new something wasn't right. After I left his office, I didn't think anything or talked about it for 24 hours after that's when I started to question my faith and wondering were God was. I asked myself . DOES GOD REALLY LOVE ME AND MY SON!!! I don't want to die, my son is my life...OK I AM SCARED, FRUSTRATED AND DON"T UNDERSTAND IT. My son is all I have, if God takes me away, then who will he have, where will he go. FOSTER CARE, NO WAY. He can't goto his dad, he hasn't seen him since he was 2 and he is a huge drinker and into drugs, my parents dont have anything to with us as they wanted me to have an abortion and I ran away so they couldn't make me do it, when I came back they thro me out and disowned me and never took us back in and they only seen him oncw when he was a baby.My dad looked at him and looked at me and said you should of got an abortion as you will never ever be a good mom, I walked out and told myself that I will be a great mom no matter how old I am, ok am I perfect NO but my son is my life and I love him and he knows its.
I DON'T WANT TO DIE?